I know I always make lists about random things to say. This time I would make another list, because I love lists. The only aspect different is that I would answer some questions regarding myself, make up, skin care, and more. These questions I'm about to answer are not mine, I googled it. And this may not be related, but two days ago was my birthday yay! I am now 19. Last year of having the word 'teen'.

ME

Were you named after anyone?
I don't think so

Do you like your name?
To be honest no, just because my name is quite religious

When is your birthday?
16th of August 1996

What are 3 of your favourite colours?
I don't think I have a favourite in anything, including colours. The colour I like better than others is pink. However, it's not my favourite.

What are your favourite tv shows?
Chuck, Modern Family, Hawaii Five-O, Devious Maids (I like miself some telenopela)

If you have the choice to pick your own name, what will it be?
I like some names like Emma, Elle, Ella, and Jade. But, I don't think those names suit me.

Do you wear makeup?
Yes whenever I'm up to. Although mostly no. I barely use makeup to campus just because I don't think I can wake up early so I can get my makeup done.

If you could write a book, what would the title be and what would it be about?
I don't know what to name my book. I think when the book's finished, I would still have a hard time giving it a title. I would love to write a book on my experience with depression and fictional story because I loveee writing stories. I think for my next blog post I would show you my writing as a kid.

What is your favourite food?
A medium-cooked steak

Do you have any siblings?
3 brothers and 2 sister in laws

Do you have any pets?
A cat and a parrot

What is your dream job?
A marine biologist or a story writer. Perhaps I could do both?

Do you want to get married later in life, if so how many children do you want?
Yes. I only want to have 1 child.

What is the least favourite thing about yourself?
I would like to say that I don't have have the least favourite thing about myself, because I love every part of me equally, but no. I hate my calves and thighs. They're huge and out of proportion.


SKINCARE

What's your skin type?
Oily

How many times do you wash your face daily?
At least 2. More when I'm at home, whenever my face feels oily I would wash my face only with water.

What is your current facial wash?
The Soap Corner's charcoal & tea tree facial soap bar

What moisturiser do you use?
The Bath Box I'll Be Perfect facial oil

Do you have acne prone skin?
Yes

Toner, yay or nay?
I've never used toner before

Favourite lip balm?
Evete's lip balm in lemon ginger

Makeup

Do you remember your first make up item?
A face powder

What cosmetic brands have you always wanted to try but still haven't?
Girlactik, Kat Von D, Stila

Favourite drugstore brand?
NYX, Milani

Do you wear fake eyelashes?
Only on a special occasion like weddings. However, I never put it on by myself.

Is there any kind of makeup you can't leave the house without?
No, I leave the house without makeup more than with makeup

How often do you shop for makeup?
Very often. Like once every two weeks?

What type of product do you buy the most?
Easy, lipsticks

Do you use makeup primer for the eyes and face?
Yes. Eyes - Milani Eyeshadow Primer. Face - Rimmel Stay Matte Primer

Pencil or liquid eyeliner?
Pencil for everyday use, liquid for more dramatic effect

What is your favourite lipstick?
I don't think I have any

Do you think you look good without any makeup on?
When I feel good I look good, when I don't then I don't look good with or without makeup
I'm going to skip the introduction and go straight to the comparison.

Packaging

Both come in tubes with doe foot applicator.

LA Girl: The packaging is a lot bigger than the NYX SMLC. At first glance you might think LA Girl contains a lot more of lip products than the NYX one because of the packaging. However, don't let the size fool you. NYX SMLC contains more product. The applicator is straight. It can be hard applying because it's as straight as it can be.

Dose of Colors: I love the packaging. It's like a transparent glass so you could see the colour inside, and topped with a white cap. It's really simple and elegant. I simply love it. The applicator is perfect for applying, and I love how it's so soft.

Winner: Dose of Colors



What's inside

LA Girl: it smells like paint and it's awful. It's very liquidy and dries to a matte finish faster than Berry Me. The formula itself is light, and it's not patchy or flaky.

Dose of Colors: it smells like NYX SMLC, and if you don't know what NYX SMLC smells like, it smells vanilla-y. Yes I'm superb when it comes to describing something. The formula is creamier than Rebel, it's patchy nor flaky, however it dries longer than LA Girl.

I couldn't decide which one's the winner.

After they dry completely, I tested them by drinking and eating. When drinking, both transferred a little bit on the glass. After a while, I ate an oily dish and they both survived. Although the LA Girl one lasted more. 

When swatching on my hand, they look the same as if they're identical twins. However, when I put them on my lips side by side, the Dose of Colors in Berry Me is lighter in colour than the LA Girl Rebel. 

Price

An important aspect to those short on money. The US price for the LA Girl is $5 and Dose of Colors $18. There's a $13 gap there.
Since I can only buy them both in online shops, the prices vary.

LA Girl: I bought mine for IDR 60k. The price range is from IDR 60k to IDR 115k (yes I saw some online shops sell LA Girl Matte for more than a hundred thousand rupiah.) My advice is don't buy them if they cost more than IDR 75k. Find another online shops. There are plenty.

Dose of Colours: I bought mine for IDR 235k. Although I've seen other online shops sell it for IDR 285k. If I intend to purchase other colours, I wouldn't buy any that costs more than IDR 235k. 

Winner of this round: LA Girl Matte

Comparison side by side

Closer look
Conclusion

If you have extra money to spend, I suggest you get the Dose of Colors because it's lighter both in colour and how it feels on your lips. It feels as if you don't wear anything, the smell won't make you feel dizzy (in case you're sensitive of smell), and the texture is just amor.

If you're on a budget or don't want to splurge, then I suggest you get the LA Girl one. It lasts longer, the colour is similar, and it's a lot cheaper. You can buy three LA Girl with the same money you use to buy the Dose of Colors.


These are only my suggestion and my thoughts. Feel welcome to leave a comment on how you think. 

Thanks for reading!



NYX SOFT MATTE LIP CREAM is one of the most (if not most) wanted liquid lipstick in Indonesia. Every lipstick lover must've had at least one. It's highly requested in Indonesian online shops. I had these a few months ago. I was just starting to love lip products. However, it was before I decided to start writing again.

This line contains more than 20 colours from nude to vampy. If you're into nudes and subtle pinks, you're going to have a hard time picking because those colours are dominating. The names of the SMLC are based on cities around the world.



"Addis Ababa", a bright fuchsia and "Ibiza", a deep rose pink are the only ones I have currently. Those two attracts me the most. The best selling SMLC here in Indonesia would be "Antwerp", which I'm nowhere near interested. At first I thought I would like Addis Ababa more, but I was wrong. I love Ibiza. LOVE.




The packaging is the standard tube, the colour of the tube itself resembles the colour of the lip cream, then topped with a matte black cap with doe foot applicator. Before you apply something matte, make sure to exfoliate and moisturise your lips first.

Moving on to the lip cream itself... I love the the texture. It's creamy and it's not drying and still leaves you with a matte finish. It's not as liquid-y as other liquid lipsticks. The bad side of this is that these lip creams won't stand a meal. If you go somewhere with meals involved, make sure you bring your SMLC because these babies won't last and they don't leave stains. The good thing is that you can touch up. Unlike other liquid lipsticks that go flaky and patchy when reapplied, these SMLC won't do that to you.




Talking about these two that I have, the pigmentation is different. I was quite disappointed with Addis Ababa because it's not as bright and pigmented as I thought it would be. On the other hand, I'm in LOVE with Ibiza. It's super pigmented, and the colour is just amazing.

I tried to do a proper lip swatches (unlike the Sleek Matte Me lip swatches on my blog). But the lights are not in my favour. The sun was so bright, my phone can't capture the true colour on my lips because of the lightning. I had to lower the brightness on these photos. Once I moved to a darker place, it's too dark. I'm still getting the hang of it. Hopefully one day I can do amazing lipstick swatches on my lips.

These lip creams are very affordable. About IDR 120k if you buy it from NYX counter. IDR 88-120k on online shops. I bought mine for IDR 88k, and I wouldn't buy these for more than IDR 90k now. Make sure to browse through several online shops to get the best price. And don't forget to make sure it's a trusted online shop.

Would I repurchase this NYX SMLC? Absolutely yes. I would love to purchase the nudes for everyday use. I've got my eyes on Zurich and Cannes already. Hopefully I can do lip swatches on those.

Thanks for reading

AL


As someone who just started to get crazy about lipsticks, I tried to find as many affordable lipsticks I could find in any shapes and sizes, so yes, that includes liquid lipsticks. A few months ago, I stumbled upon these Sleek Matte Me - ultra smooth matte lip cream when I browsed through my Instagram.

Sleek Matte Me only consists of 6 colours (Petal, Birthday Suit, Fandango Purple, Brink Pink, Party Pink, and Rioja Red). You can easily get the full shades if you're into collecting lipsticks. Out of the 6 shades, only 2 of them are nude. The other 4 are bright and bold looking colour. And from the 2 nudes, one that is called 'Petal' is not suitable for most women in my country. This shade Petal will make me look like a soft version of Nicki Minaj.

The shade I first got is Fandango Purple, and it's a bright fuchsia purple. I fell in love as soon as I saw it on google. I need to have this flamingo. The next shades I got are Rioja Red and Birthday Suit. I've been eyeing Rioja Red for a while now, however I just got it recently along with Birthday Suit. I'm not into nudes, but then I got curious why A LOT of people are a fan of this particular shade.

The reason why I didn't get the other 3 - Petal wouldn't work on me, Party pink is really...a corally red although I would love to try it. I would love to get brink pink, I just haven't.

L-R: Rioja Red, Fandango Purple, Birthday Suit

Unlike most liquid lipsticks, Sleek Matte Me comes in rectangular shape instead of a tube, along with a doe foot applicator. The bottle is clear so you can see the actual colour. The rectangular shape prevents the lipstick to slide here and there. The shade's name is at the bottom. Peel the sides to see the ingredients.


When I read the review on other's blog, I heard they heard that Sleek Matte Me is a dupe for Lime Crime Velvetines. I do not know about this. I do have lime crime, however I haven't thought about making comparison. Just like any other liquid lipsticks, the formula is drying. Make sure you exfoliate your lips and use lip balm. It's not that drying, and not as thick as other liquid lipsticks that I've tried. However, it's there. You can feel that it's there making your lips dry.

There was this one time when I use a thick lip balm, and the lipstick became creamy. Sleek Creamy Me. Even though it's matte, the lipstick transferred through the glass (or straw) when I drink. And doesn't stay on my lips when I eat. The bad thing about liquid lipsticks is that they don't survive foods and drinks (mostly, anyway). However, you can't put more on your lips because they will crack or worse..flaking. 

Below, you could see my awkward lip swatches.


Birthday Suit

Rioja Red

Fandango Purple

My thoughts on these:

Birthday Suit - I don't get the hypes over this one. I don't think the colour is for me. It's lighter than my skin colour. And when I look at it, it's as if I'm not wearing any lipstick. I saw pictures of Birthday Suit on other people and it suit them really well. So maybe this colour is for you. 

Rioja Red - gorgeous red. Make sure to use lip liner, they will bleed.

Fandango Purple - my favourite of them all. It's a really fun colour and I love it.

I would love to try other shades as well. 

So, are these Sleek Matte Me liquid lipsticks worth the money? If you're a fan of liquid lipsticks then go for it. I would totally repurchase it. Rioja Red and Fandago Purple are stunning. They drying, but not too drying which is a good thing.
In Indonesia you could only find it online, and it costs IDR 120-150k. Browse through a lot of online shops to get the cheapest price. Make sure it's trusted.

Thank you for reading my blog, appreciate it so much. See you on the next posts.
Who doesn't love natural homemade products?

I personally think fruit variants in lip balms are quite boring. Mainly because most brand have their own mango, lemon, and strawberry kinds of lip balms. My perspective changed when I saw the word "coconut" in the packaging. It's interesting. Coconut doesn't even smell, so I got curious how a coconut in a lip balm could possibly smell like. Do coconuts even smell?


This week's review is about coconut lip balms from two different brands. Both are specialised in natural skin care products. The only different is one is a local brand, the other one is from the USA.

1. Evete Naturals Lip Balm in Tropican Coconut




On Valentine's day I purchased a set of lip balm from Evete. However, I'm not going to mention it as this post is about coconut. Evete is an online shop based in Indonesia. I've been wanting try one of their lip balms for so long and finally I can get my hands on them. 


Packaging wise, I like the design of the lip balm. It's simple and cute. My problem with the packaging is that 3 out of 6 (which is half!) lip balms I purchased have troubles with the twister thing at the bottom of the lip balm. I'm bad with words, I know. I twisted the lip balm to see how much lip balm it contains, and when I tried to twist it back, the lip balm won't come down! I can twist it and has no problem whatsoever, the problem is the lip balm doesn't follow. I had to push it down with my finger. 

Ingredients

The lip balm itself is clear, both in colour and when you apply it. The scent itself is too sweet for me. Nonetheless, I quite like it.

This product is very moisturising. If you have dry, chapped lips then this is for you. With just one swipe it's super moisturising. At night, use about 3-4 swipes, and in your lips won't feel dry in the morning. The downside to it is that it feels heavy. Even in the morning after hours in the air-conditioned room I could still feel the lip balm on my lips quite thick.

Price: IDR 40k / 5g

2. Burt's Bees Coconut and Pear




I've been wanting to try Burt's Bees lip balm since forever. It's really hard (maybe impossible) to find Burt's Bees products in Indonesia offline. And the ones sold online are mostly over priced. And so I was excited when my friend came here from the USA and brought me these Burt's Bees lip balms. I got very interested in this particular lip balm. Coconut and pear.

Talking about the packaging, it's that classic Burt's Bees yellow tube with a white cap. I don't have any problems with the packaging. I also have three tinted balms from Burt's Bees and I can twist until all the product comes out and it would go back in just fine.

Ingredients
The lip balm itself is clear, if you want a slight colour you can try their tinted balms. The scent resembles that play doh smell. Maybe there's something wrong with my sense of smell. I'm confused about the smell. The good thing about the smell is that it's not too sweet.

How moisturising is it? Well, it's moisturising. However, compared to the Evete's one, it's less moisturising. The good thing about it is that it doesn't feel heavy. I love to use it just before I apply liquid lipstick.

Price:
I got it in a set of 4 for almost USD 10
If I'm not mistaken one is for almost USD 5 / 4.25g
In Indonesia you can buy it from online shops or Instagram for about IDR 65k-100k I think.


To be honest I couldn't decide which one is better. If you want a lip balm that is very moisturising and don't mind the heavy feeling, then Evete is better. If you don't like that thick feeling on your lips and want a lip balm that feels like there's nothing on your lips yet still moisturising, then Burt's Bees is a better option. 

Another consideration is that Evete's lip balm is cheaper and have more product than Burt's Bees. However, there's a 50:50 chance your tube is troubled (or maybe it's me who's unlucky). Both comes in handy, easy to carry. 

Thanks for reading!

Love,
Al

"I don't like Cheetos" pfft said no one ever.
This is the first time I've ever tried this variant. I love Cheetos in all shapes and sizes. It started back when I was in grade 8. My dad used to work in the Philippines & I would go there on holidays, and that was when I tasted magic for the first time. It was love at first sight. I could eat Cheetos crunchy by myself in half an hour or sometimes I would eat it slowly, enjoying our moment together. I'm obsessed, I know.
Indonesian Cheetos kind of sucks. I still eat it sometimes, it's just not the same quality. Indonesian Cheetos is too airy for my liking, good thing is it has other flavours other than cheese. However, the quality is far below the American Cheetos. I'm racist towards Cheetos.



Cheetos mix ups contains 4 flavours:
Cheddar - it's basically Cheetos crunchy
Double cheddar - it's basically Cheetos puffs with a little bit more cheese
Nacho cheese - this would be my favourite. I'm not sure if it tastes like nacho cheese, however it tastes really good. Has a hint of hot in it.
Parmesan - tastes like that cheese you sprinkle on top of your pasta

Overall, I love this Cheetos! It got 4 different tastes and shapes and this Cheetos might be my new love.
Here's what it looks like one by one


I really wish Indonesian Cheetos were as good as the American ones.

And about that lipstick...

Yesterday I went out with my sister in law and I put this gorgeous orange liquid lipstick, which is the MUA luxe velvet lip lacquer in Atomic. It's hard to find an orange lipstick that actually looks orange on my lips. And this one right here makes my lips stunning with its bright orange colour. I'm not going to explain this lipstick further, I think I'm gonna do a blog post about liquid lipsticks, ones that I own. So, I'll describe more about this lipstick later on.

At first it applied beautifully. The problem started after I ate. Or maybe it was before, but then I didn't look at my lips until after I eat. Whenever I drank something, the lipstick didn't transfer to the glass, which is good. I thought this lipstick stayed the same as I first applied it. Boy, was I wrong.


This lipstick looked super flaky. And it dried my lips so bad you could see the lines on my lips and it.was.gross. You could see tiny tiny dots as if the lipstick tried to escape. It became uneven and ugly. I made the mistake of reapplying it and it was the biggest mistake ever. It made matters worse. I tried to hide my lip then I decided to take it off.


This experience kind of making me want to stay away from liquid lipsticks. They are beautiful when you first applied it, but then it makes your lips dry and crack. And by the way, before I used this MUA in Atomic, I exfoliate my lips first with a fine natural lip scrub and keep it moist with lip balm. But still, it disappointed me. I know maybe it's just this particular lipstick, I mean I used NYX soft matte lip cream and reapply it, and it turned out just fine.

But eh. I think I'll stick to the old fashioned lipstick. And sorry for the bad pictures, I was not in the mood to take any good ones.


 Thanks for reading, have a good day <3 p="">
The last time I ever considered someone my best friend was when I was in primary school. There was this class bully, and my friend and I got sick of her. The girls in my class were divided into two groups, and the class bully was in none of the group. This one time, a friend of mine borrowed a pencil, she gave it back by putting it on top of my bag and I said "gimana sih" and the class bully thought I said "brengsek" to my friend who borrowed my pencil. Not only was she mean, she also had a hearing problem. Anyway, I had a best friend ever since I was in the third grade up until I graduated primary school.

What is a best friend? For me a best friend is someone you can talk to about anything. A best friend is the first person you call when you're making plans, when you like this guy, or anything really. It's someone who gives you advice, and the person who hugs you and cheer you up when you're in the lowest point of life, instead of saying "I told you so". And this cheesy paragraph sounds like something written by a sixth grader.

I am not an open person. I joke around my friends, and if it is not important I would tell them things. However, I never really share something big, something life changing to anyone. Heck, I don't even tell them about myself, my past, things that I've done. Basically, my friends only know the outer shell and I like it that way.

I'm not good in maintaining friendship. I had a few close friends, and those friends come and go. So, in school A I had a few close friends, then I moved to school B, I barely keep in contact with my close friends, let alone other friends. In school B, I'd have another close friend(s), and same thing happened when I go to school C. At first I tried to keep in contact with some of my friends. Until one day I felt like I was trying too hard. They wouldn't contact me if I didn't. So I stopped caring.

This post is short and rada ngga jelas I know. I just wanted to write something.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I'll post something more interesting and worth reading next week. Or probably this week.

Love,

Al


I KNOW
I'm supposed to write a blog post last week, however it's exam week and "exams" is a legitimate excuse to why I haven't updated this blog in 2 weeks. I just broke my blog resolution
Without further ado, let me discuss today's topic.

Online Shopping *dun dun duuunn (insert dramatic music)

I bet all of my readers have done online shopping, because the readers are me, and I have done online shopping. Sob.

Anyway, since last year I do most of my shopping online. At least 4 package are sent to my home every month. People who reside in my house must've think I'm a shop-a-holic. There are reasons, oompa loompas. Reason why I choose to shop online more than offline.

Advantages:

- Cheaper: most of the products online are cheaper than the ones offline. We're talking about the same products here. Por ejemplo, I've had my eye on NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream ever since I bought their butter lipstick offline. It costs IDR 120k in the department store. So, I did my research and found that most of online sellers sell it cheaper, some even sell it less than 100k.
Do you know how annoying it is when you're at the mall and see a pretty skirt and when you see the price tag you're like "k, bye.". By shopping online, it's more manageable. Go to your favourite website, filter it so you can see it by the lowest price. Once you scroll and see the price is above your budget, stop scrolling as it gets more expensive.

- Simpler: by shopping online you can save your energy by not walking through the entire mall searching for that one special thing. All you need is click click click and it will be delivered to your front door.

- Get you products that are not available in Indonesia: most of my lipsticks aren't available in Indonesian stores. Internet got them for me.

Disadvantages:

- Sometimes you can't control yourself: shopping online can become an addiction because it's cheaper and easier to get. Sometimes you buy things you don't need because you want to, k what the hell am I talking about. Most of the times you buy things you don't actually need because it's on sale or cheaper. Buying things online has its own hypes and if you can't control yourself you end up spending too much money.

- It's not as expected: I don't think I've had experience like this, if I did, it's really rare. However, with online shopping you can't see, touch, nor feel the actual product. What you have in mind might be different from reality and it sucks to be disappointed.

- Fake: as in the products are not original, or the products aren't even there to begin with!


So my advice is make sure the online shop is legitimate before you buy anything. Tips on buying things on Instagram is see their tagged photos. If they don't have any, chances are no one ever buy their products because there are no products! At least see their testimonials, although it might be fake. Never buy from an online shop you're not 100% sure.
You have to control yourself. There are so many things you want with their prices so low, if you don't have the self control, you'll end up buying everything. Think twice before purchasing something. If it's something you desperately want, then go for it. Or you can divide your money wisely. Once your spent all your shopping money, you need to stop, don't ever use money intended for something else.


Here are some of my favourite online shops:

Clothing:
- zalora.co.id
- berrybenka.com

Make up:
- IG: makeuppucino
- kutekmurah.net / IG: indobeautystores

I wanted to put lazada, but my 2 latest purchases were very unsatisfying (I had to chat the customer service 3 days in a row, imagine I had to explain things over and over again because my they took like 5 freaking days to verified my payment!)

Anyway, thanks for reading this. Hope it's helpful in some ways.

Have a good day!

<3 p="">


Ever since the release of The Bath Box facial oil, I've been laying my eyes on them. A few months ago I wanted to get them in a bazaar, but then it sold out so I ended up buying their liquid soap (review on that later). And for months I waited because for me the facial oil is quite pricey (190k is pricey for a student like me, but still affordable).

Acne has always been a problem for me, although I never had severe acne. To make matters worse, I go to uni by motorbike (whenever I'm with my boyfriend), or by public transport. Can you imagine your face exposed to Jakarta's pollution. That's when I decided I need at least something to stop my face from getting more pimply.

About this product:

INGREDIENTS: Karanja oil, pumpkin seed oil, rosehip oil, peppermint oil, rosemary oil, tea tree oil, and tocopherol.



My face is very oily. So oily that I have to carry blotting papers everywhere I go. A lot of people think that putting oil on your face makes your skin more oily. However, your skin absorb natural oils quickly, just like body oil. Although, there was a bit of a problem when I first applied it.

Now, the instruction stated that it should be used on damp skin, which means slightly wet. My mistake was after I washed my face, I dried it first then used the oil. My face didn't absorb the oil at all. My face was super shiny, it's as if you pour cooking oil on it. Then I got disappointed. Aww, 190k for this... Like, how can this oil meant for oily face if all it does is just make your face even oilier. I did the right thing by contacting The Bath Box and they explained to me how to use it.

So, yay!

Just after a week, I can already see a difference. My acne doesn't last more than 3 days. It still surprises me how quickly and efficient this product work. A dermatologist would cost me from IDR 500k to 1000K and full of chemicals! And this, costs less than 200k. And the best thing is it is made from natural ingredients. Nothing beats natural ingredients, no?

As for my oily face, this facial oil doesn't make it worse. However, it hasn't make my face better in terms of oily-ness. I put about 2-3 drops, more than that can make my face really oily. But I ain't even mad bruh. Because it's facial oil, it's supposed to be at least a litte bit oily on your face. I feel hopeful, though, that one day this product can control my face oil. Plus this facial oil is really moisturising.

Again, I'm amazing how The Bath Box facial oil can heal my acne in such short period of time. It's really worth it. Even when the product looks really small, it can last for about 2 months (I guess) as you only use it 2-5 drops each usage.

Definitely going to repurchase once it runs out.

The Bath Box is definitely an Indonesian brand that's worth a lot of recognition. Their products are amazing, no jokes. And the best thing is that they made it with love and passion and I'm getting cheesy so I'm just gonna stop.

Thanks for reading!

Love, moi.

PS: I ordered this facial oil from their web: thebathboxsoap.com. It's really easy and simple.
I just realised something. At 14 years of age, I was a poetic kid. Everything that's happened to me, I rewrite it in poems. Every time I had a crush on someone, I wrote them poems. Dayum. So here goes my poems. Bear in mind I was 14.

"I don't know since when
I've been falling for you
I don't know why I'm feeling this way
All I do is wondering
Do you feel the same way?

This afternoon I saw your smile
When I did something funny
I keep thinking of it since then
Oh how happy I am
Especially when I know that the smile was for me"

"Sitting all alone in my room
Thinking what the world may bring
Life can bring you unexpected things
What matter is the way you see

I know you like a rainbow
But I'm just a dark sky
You expect sunshine
But I brought you rain"

"Though I only know you for a year
But it seems like I've known you for years
I've learned a lot from you
You taught me how to enjoy life
Just smile no matter what happen
Because life don't always go as you planned
You made us smile everyday
And the smile of yours brightened my day
Smile of hope
Everyday you came to our class with a glass of coffee
And a big smile as if you're saying "come on people! wake up! enjoy today!""

Below you can read how 14 year old me react to certain emotions.

"When I feel:

Happy:
I would smile, dance hard inside, keep talking to people about whatever it is that makes me happy

Sad/broken-hearted:
I tend to make writings. I don't consider it as poems, or song writing, but it's not like normal writing either. So I don't know what to call it :p

Don't like/pissed off:
I show it to them that I don't like them, or when I feel annoyed at them. You can read it from my face. Not to all people, though. I said show, not tell.

Hungry:
Simple. Eat.

Love:
I tend to make writings again. Post some quotes in twitter haha lol

Angry:
Many bad words walking around in my mind. A little bit of sarcasm tweets. Some swearing going on in twitter, although I try not to swear in twitter because of my lovely followers, but I can't help it sometimes. But please note that I say bad words not only when I'm angry. It could be as a joke, or to describe something or someone in a good way."

I don't think I can write any longer. Enough embarrassment in one post.


I guess this writing is a start.

I love to write, whether it's making stories, or even writing an essay. For a long time I've been meaning to write something on this blog, but I always end up being lazy. I have abandoned this blog for a year and a half. Procrastination at its best.

Anyway, since I'm only opened to a few number of people, this might be a chance for me to share my thoughts. It's like I have different personalities in different crowds. I can be the funniest, most talkative, easy going person to the crowd I feel comfortable with, meanwhile I can be this shy, barely-talk-to-people kind of person to another group.

I will update this blog at least once a week. In every blogpost I will include pictures which will be shared on Instagram (another social media I barely use). I will talk about anything, whatever I'm up to. It could be about myself, friends, family, food talk, make up, places, or even my pets.

Anyway, first post is going to be something I love to write -- list.

28 facts about me. Why 28? The random number generator picked it for me.

1. I was born on August 16, 1996
2. I have 3 brothers, all made by such loving parents
3. I am the youngest child
4. My brothers gave me 2 awesome sisters
5. Currently, I'm in second year of uni
6. I study biology
7. Aspire to be a marine biologist
8. I'm in a relationship and have been together for more than a year
9. I have a cat called Rolex and a sun conure called Pip
10. I had a major mental health issue when I was 16
11. First time I went scuba diving was in Sea World
12. I can whistle since I was 5
13. My boyfriend and I are each other's first and plan to be each other's last (serious shit going on)
14. I am 18 just in case you're really bad in math
15. I drank alcohol for the first time at a family wedding (14 at that time, totally illegal ikr)
16. Kind of obsessed with lipsticks
17. I had my first crush when I was in third grade (I liked the guy for his cute babyish face el-o-el)
18. I sing a lot, luckily my voice isn't so bad
19. I study for exams one night before the exams itself
20. I get offended a lot by people's words, but since I never share my feelings, no one really know
21. The last time I peed myself was in 4th grade
22. I am afraid of toilets/restrooms/bathrooms/whatever you call it, and the reason for 21 is because I was too afraid to use the toilet
23. Approximately 151 cm
24. Favourite food would be medium cooked steak
25. Allergic to cats and dogs fur and house dust
26. Heavy water drinker
27. Prefer to be alone anytime
28. Contains an abundance of love

<3 p="">
It's been like...almost 6 months since the last time I posted something here. A lot has happened since then. I'm in uni already, almost 2 months now. So far so good. I'm still the kind of person who likes to procrastinate and super lazy (need to get rid of those things immediately). I have friends, yay!

I turned 17 like 3 months ago and got my KTP already. It was really exciting, I got to celebrate it with a lot of people. And the best thing is, Abraham Mateo wished me happy birthday on twitter!! He tweeted me saying "Happy 17th birthday @(my twitter username)........"  And it got more than 200 retweets, so basically, more than 200 people wished me a happy birthday.

I've added a few more pets to my house. I got King Lily (king snake), Sapphire (bearded dragon), Enchi (enchi ball python), Citrus (lemon pastel ball python), and Jess (Indian ringneck parakeet). Jess is the most recent one. My mum got him for me cos I got scammed. I wanted an African grey parrot, lost a lot of money, and stay African grey-less. But I got Jess, and I'm saving up for an African grey. This time for real.

Now I barely sing. So, this is just a writing of random stuff, so I'll just say whatever comes up in mind. It's been more than a year since the last time I performed, and I don't think I will ever get a chance to perform. I still love singing, but now I'm bad at it. Like, really bad. I can't reach the notes like I used to. Like, omg, I suck. Haha.

My English is getting rusty. That's cos I never talk, speak, or read in English. Like gee, who am I gonna speak English to? And all subjects use Indonesian and I'm not allowed to do assignments in English. So there... I no speak English.

Seriously, I don't know what to write. I just wanna post something here cos it's been ages. I guess that's all then.

Till next time I have something to write! Babay!
A lot of things have been going on. I just did the national exams and got the results already last week. Considering what I've been through lately, I think I did a pretty good job. I got a not-bad-at-all scores. And I can't believe my physics score is higher than biology. I never understand physics since grade 7... I've been taught by 5 different physics teachers at school and I finally started to understand it about 2 months before national exams, thanks to my uncle who taught me.

And I just finished my internship lately. I went to SeaW****d Indonesia (sorry, I have to censor that so this writing won't come up on google :P) There were 2 options at first, that and a zoo. But then after handing the cv for quite some time there weren't answers from both sides. And the last option for me was to go to an animal shelter. I wasn't really happy with the idea of me going to an animal shelter because I am allergic to cats (and yes, I do have a cat) and I never really interact with dogs before so it kind of scared me. But I thought it's better than going to a place that has no animals in it.


Then hard times kicked in and I decided that I don't want to do the internship. I really didn't want to do it. Then the next day I was told that I got the internship at SeaW****d. I would have been really excited if I got the news before I decided not to do the internship. It would have been a lot easier if I didn't get accepted anywhere. So it was like, I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to not have a story to tell. I didn't want to be the only one who doesn't have to do the presentation while my friends have something to tell. My first day started on a Monday, and the Friday before that was the hardest. I wanted to go but at the same time I was scared, not scared of the internship, of something else. But in the end, I decided to do it anyway. I thought to myself, even if the internship sucks, I still got to see fishes. Oh, and I got accepted at the zoo as well.


First day of internship finally came. I got to SeaW****d too early. And I got a text personally from the zoo telling that I got accepted and where should I go and stuff. First day was quite horrifying because I don't know where would they put me. I was like "please don't put me in the office, please don't, don't." And I almost got put in the office because it wasn't stated in my resumé where should I go. I was like "you know what, if I work in the office, I won't come again tomorrow." But thankfully, they put me in the education...oh I forgot, education group? education guide? Well, anyway, it was in the educational part. I didn't know what that is, but as long as I didn't stay in the office, whatever that was, good enough.


And so I was under this woman named kak Dewi. She then showed me around, introducing me to places like "this is the office, this is the blablabla" and we went downstairs and she introduced me to the EG team. I remember my first day, I got introduced to kak Nur the supervisor, then kak Albert, then there was kak Dina, kak Alif, kak Robby, and kak Tya in the library. There were quite a lot of people during my first day (and I thought some people weren't that friendly, but I won't tell you who :P) And so kak Dewi left and I was like "what am I supposed to do?" Since it was my first day, all I did was to look around. I remember kak Nur told me to come at 8.30 for the briefing and I was supposed to come home at 5.30. First day was pretty bad. All I did was standing for hours! And kesana kemari from tanks to tanks. I observed the sharks cos I frikkin love sharks.


It was super tiring. I've never had to stand for 3 hours so it was a new experience. And there was this security guard whom I thought was friendly, but then he asked for my facebook account on my first day and I thought that was creepy. I talked to the employees there and asked a few questions. I was pretty much quiet. I was super happy when it came to going home. I just can't wait for that warm shower, and I barely look forward to showering. The traffic was just lovely. If I were a pregnant woman ready to give birth, I would have given birth in the car already. My legs hurt so bad. It was super tiring.

Second day was better. I remember being asked by kak Dewi about the animals in the touchpool. Thankfully, I have remembered the animals already. I don't know what to write, really, anyway, it doesn't matter how bad the job was, I got to see fishes and sea turtles. Oh, at first there were like these 3 big sea turtles but then they got moved and changed by these 5 adorable baby sea turtles. I was taught how to operate the sound, even though really, it was just pressing buttons, but it was better than nothing.

There wasn't really much to remember the next days. Mostly I spent my days in the touchpool area, near the starfish/bamboo sharks area. Telling people to fuck off if they touched the starfish the wrong way. Just kidding, but sometimes I feel like telling them that for not reading the sign before touching. But really, I told people not to pick the starfish above water and all. I got to know more people as well. I met kak Tiara, kak Abai, and kak Yoan (I'm calling everyone with kak here :P), and I got to know some of the cleaners. During the first 3 days, I didn't know if I'm able to continue until the second week. I thought that I'm going to end it at the end of the first week. But then, I forgot whether it was kak Nur or kak Dewi, anyway, one of them told me I got the chance to go to a curatorial training on my second week. And so, I decided I HAVE to make till the next week.

I really don't know how to put this experience into words. There were just so much things going on. So let me just write about the day I went to the curatorial area. I got the chance to go to the food preparation room and see how fishes were being prepared for fishes to eat. That's quite confusing. Fish for fish. Fishes are cannibals. There were kak Juned and kak Agus in the room, preparing food like unfreezing the freezing dead fishes. The dead fishes, they weren't that smelly. The squids, ugh, smelled so bad. I met another intern too, she was in uni, though. There weren't really much to tell in the food prep, it was just food cutting. 


Then I followed kak Agus to the quarantine place. The place is for injured animals, or animals that just got sent in, or animals that are about to be sent away. There were baby sea turtles, smaller than the ones in touchpool, and they were super adorable. I wish I could bring one home. But then I don't know if I can provide them with sea water. I can give them salted water, though. There were also the big sea turtles, arapaimas and all those giant fish, piranhas, basically the same species as the ones displayed. Oh, and there were iguanas and turtles and crocs and caged otters. Those otters shouldn't be caged, really... Otters make cute noises, at first I thought the sound came from birds, even though there were no birds... Basically, I was just following kak Agus around, giving food and clean the cages.

After the quarantine place, we went back to food prep room and there was nothing else for me to do so I showered. The fish smell sticked to my shirt. Showering for me was kind of...troublesome. I need to prepare the clothes and all those showering stuff, and it took me a long time to get ready, not because I showered long, but because I need to fold my clothes and all. I hate showering outside my home. And so I just finished everything from showering to putting my clothes back in, and just when I was about to go out, one of the curatorial staff said to me, 
"have you dived yet?" 
"no, I haven't"
"put this on (he gave me a wetsuit)"
"showered already?"
"it's okay."
And so that was it. I just showered and just when I've got everything ready, I got offered to dive in the main aquarium. I was really thankful he offered me to dive. It was just funny how I just finished showering, then went diving, then showered again. I didn't even know his name then (I later found out his name the very next day after I dived :P), so it was really nice of him. And the first wet suit that I put on was really ripped so I had to change it, and the second time I put a wetsuit on, I got it upside down. 

Oh, I met kak Adhi, he was an observer there. Back in the quarantine place he asked whether I've dived or no, and he said if I go diving he'll accompany me. And so, when I was in the diving place, he was there. They were super duper nice. First I practiced my breathing in the small pool, and I did okay. I thought diving there would be scary because I've never dived before and the fishes were gigantic compared to the ones I've seen during snorkeling. And I was partially blind without glasses and I wasn't allowed to use contact lens. 

And so I entered the actual aquarium with kak Adhi. It was awful! I got no control and when we reached down my ears hurt like crazy. I asked him to go up and he taught me to control the pressure. Still, didn't work, I sucked. But then we continued the dive, he took pictures of me when I realised someone was behind me. I later found out it was kak Soleh (the curator whom I didn't know the name). And halfway I realised that kak Adhi was no longer there, I was now with kak Soleh. My ears still felt crappy but not as hurt. And it wasn't as scary as I thought. My vision was blurry. I dived for about 15 minutes and the good thing was I didn't panic. See, I've learned something from nat-geo wild about not panicking :P

The next days were pretty much the same. Telling people "let me shove you underwater and tell me if you can breathe." when someone pick up the starfish out of water. No, just kidding, even though I really wanted to do that. Watched feeding shows and all. I never get tired of watching shark feeding show. And until now whenever I see the time, I'd be like "oh, it's feeding show for the main aquarium" "oh, the sharks are being fed right now."

And even when people said it's kinda useless for me to be there, I strongly disagree. Being there takes my mind off the thoughts that are killing me. I was happy because it's been a long time since I wasn't bothered with my own thoughts. And one of the most important thing is that I've made new friends. Everyone was amazing. And thanks to social media, I still maintain my friendship with some of them. 

And so, I'd like to thank each one of them (even though they're not going to read this, unless I tell them to :P) Thanks to kak Dewi for saving me from working in the office. Thanks to kak Dina who's with me from the start, taking me lunch with her and all. Thanks to kak Albert for answering my questions when I asked, and I remember my first day kak Alif thought I was his sister. And thank you, thank you, thank you to kak Tya, kak Tiara, kak Robby, kak Yoan, kak Alif, kak Abai, and kak Nur. Basically I'd like to thank them all, the EG group, and all the curators and cleaners for just being there. I'm really grateful I'm surrounded by nice people. 


And this experience may not be interesting for you, well it's an internship, what do you expect? But, it really means a lot to me. It was a great experience and my life would be different if I chose to stay at school doing counseling session and go to the psychologist. It's not that I can befriend the psychologist. Anyway, I'm really grateful this experience made me realise that there are a lot of amazing people out there whom I haven't known yet. I still have a long journey to go, and I don't know what am I talking..........

And so, yeah, that's pretty much it. 

Bye, love, love, from meee

Have you ever feel like you've known someone for a really long time, like your whole life. And you think you know everything about them when really, you know nothing. You don't know who they are anymore. Don't know what changed them along the way. Maybe there's no reason, nothing, all of a sudden they're like that. Even they don't know themselves. They live a happy, perfect life to know what has happened. Maybe nothing has happened. It's just their minds playing tricks. Or maybe they just want to be troubled because their lives always go smoothly. They think too much. In the end it's only troubles they got.
Hi to whoever reading this. I don't think there's anyone else reading this blog beside myself. I'm in grade 12 now. Grade 11 was so boring, I hope I'll have fun this school year. Have fun studying since I'm in grade 12 and there's no avoid exams like I used to. My english is getting worse as I need to translate something from Indonesian to English. Yay. There's nothing interesting in my life, really. I have this bimbel every sunday from 8-3, so it's basically another school day. I have vocal lesson on saturday, too. My class won the best class display and best performance on independence day celebration. I just finished my autobiography project and oh how I miss my times in secondary 3 and 4. The school was super crappy, and probably still is, I miss my friends there and physics class. Physics class with Boradori is the best. Can't believe I'm almost in uni. Time flies that fast? I don't want to grow old. More responsibilities and all. But anyway, life goes on. I'll be old eventually. I'll try to post here more. I love you my readers <3 and that means I love myself :p
Hola a todos!

I've opened this blog quite a few times, but never write anything. Or I did, but saved it as draft.

Best friends.

It's something that crosses my mind quite a lot. I've been thinking about some people and how our relationships are not the same anymore. Really hard to find someone that will always be there for you, stay strong, forget about the distance. I realise I have lost some close and best friends. Reason is simple, we're not in the same school anymore. They have new friends, I have new friend. We stayed close at first, got separated at the end.

Yes, when we meet we still talk like we're inseparable. But, during our everyday's lives, we're like a complete stranger. Never talk to each other again. Many times I want to say hi, but it feels like they don't feel the same. Never reply my message, or never come back on every brb's. I have friends, I do, but it feels lonely when you have no one to talk to at home. I never talk with my friends at school when I'm at home. Barely.

Want to make some new friends, but I'm really bad at making friends. I go to this bimbel every tuesday and thursday, and I keep on absent-ing :b It's probably because I've got no friends there, so there's nothing exciting there. It's really hard to join in a group of friends. Hopefully I won't make the same mistake in the next bimbel place. I feel bad to my parents, but I'm just too lazy to go there. Keep on telling myself this is the last time I'm going to miss it, but I keep on missing it.

Well,

Te quiero everyone!
Please note that I'm not trying to be cocky nor I am cocky or something, I just want to share my happiness.

Been waiting for this since the first time I knew it, since I love to sing. At first I was struggling with the song choice since I am no longer able to hit notes that I used to be able to hit. First I wanted to sing the song which I love to sing very much, "Greatest Love of All" but then I tried and I can't hit the notes -_- Yeh, I'm getting sucker. A few weeks later, I've decided that I'm gonna sing "My Heart Will Go On" I've practiced and practiced, I still couldn't get the high notes right. It may not be necessary for me to practice, but it was my first time singing in front of the folks of PSKD Mandiri and I wanted to give good impression. Anyway, after a few practices, I just realised that I need to take Paket B. I was panicking, not being able to join. It can't be delayed. I was relieved when I knew Paket B was only from Tuesday to Thursday. It was hellll. My brother just came back from England anyway. Even the day before the competition I couldn't get the high notes right. After a few inspirations from other singers, I finally made it.

P-Man idol was todaaaay. I was a little bit nervous because of the high notes. I got sick before the competition and when I checked to see the list of singers, I wasn't there -_- I was forgotten. Sooo, P-Man idol started, and I was number 7 if I'm not mistaken. I wasn't nervous, but my hands were kesemutan haha. I was in my own world. I didn't hit the "forever" properly though, the high part "weeeee'lll staaaay foREEEEVER this waaaay" I forgot about the other high note. I got a big applaud after singing. As I walked to sit, some people were like "your voice is cool" and all, and after the competition was over, on the way to class, some people said it too. Then my English teacher said I was awesome, I turned into a different person when I was singing. Then after I got home I got 3 mentions from people saying that my voice is cool and all. I keep on smiling. I didn't expect this kind of reaction. I was expecting the "you're so lebay" reaction, because when I sing I instinctively close my eyes and move my hand around.

I was so happy, I still am. It doesn't matter whether I win or lose. Getting these positive feedbacks already made me happy...
There are times when people feel down and desperate. And I feel that right now. I have no desire to live. Haha, I know it sounds scary. It's like I don't have anything to fight for, anything exciting, anything that makes my life more colourful. I don't feel like doing anything. Like right now, I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating, when I usually eat before I'm even hungry. I seriously have no desire in doing anything. I find nothing can entertain me. And I got even more desperate when I realised my one week holiday is almost over. With me being like this, I don't know how I can survive at school. Everything is pretty much annoying right now. I don't even have anymore passion. I'm in a pathetic mode right now. I got pissed off easily. And right now I don't have any exciting thoughts, when I usually have lots. And I got more depressed not to only think about school, but also the national examinations I'll have to face in year 12. My passion for singing, wild animals, and performing are suddenly gone. I don't even have any problems. I just feel this way. No reason. Well, there must be a reason but I just don't know it. Or maybe I know it but I just haven't realised it. Heartache for no reason.
Sooo I have this thing for the past few days. I don't know whether to consider him as a celeb or not. Anyway, the celebrity crush thing is worse than real-life crush. Your crush won't even know that you exist. And you don't even know whether you can meet him or not. While when you have real-life crush as in you know the person, the person knows you, you still can talk to him, and make some efforts. So liking someone who doesn't even know that you exist actually hurts more :p
Some people may not know this, some people may know this. I love to sing! I started to sing when I was in playgroup of course, playgroup kids sing much I guess. I forgot how old I was. I got my first walkman. It was pink. I was a huge fan of westlife. I would sit on the roof and sang. When I was around 8, I don't know why, till now, and how it started, my mom put me in BISS to study vocal. I was with my cousin and her friend. I started singing in public since I was.... I have no idea. I thought my first public appearance was when I had tryout in BISS. Then lately I remembered that it was before that. I remember I sang on my 8th birthday. And I probably have sung in front of public before that. I quitted BISS because my cousin quitted too. My time in BISS didn't last so long. After that, I lost contact with singing. I barely listened to music. Until...grade 7. The first time I had internet connection. I browsed stuff on youtube and found Declan Galbraith. He was the one that made me wanna sing again. I started to love singing again because of him. I even dreamed of becoming a singer. I thank him really much. Maybe I should thank him on facebook. I didn't know how to sing though. I sang in falsetto voice thinking that it was my real voice. Grade 8, I started taking lessons again and the journey end in Grade 10. I didn't quit. It's more like...ngegantung. But, it doesn't stop me from singing. In fact, it's getting worse. Everytime I listen to music, I always imagine it's me singing in front of public. Since I'm shy, I always sing in my head. I can't stop. I'm shy to sing in front of my family -_- which is weird. Usually people aren't shy in front of their families. I sang at school a few times. The first time...I was in grade 9. It was valentine's day. I sang "If I Ain't Got You" sung by Alicia Keys. Then graduation, "Hallelujah" Alexandra Burke version. Then another graduation, I sang "I'll Be There" with my friend, JunHo. I post it on youtube ;;) I sounded weird, though. And many ngaco, cos I only practiced one day before graduation -_- I've performed more, though :P And I'm hoping I could perform hundreds of times in the next....times.

Te quieroooo :*
Hola!

Long time no write. I finally have a laptop now. And I'm graduated from Secondary. I won't be in Junior College 1, though. I'll be in grade 11 :p I'm moving back to PSKD Mandiri. First, I need UAN. Second, I moved because of my brother, my brother is in uni already, so no need to stay there. Third, I don't wanna be in Hope International School anymore. I've always wanted to move so much. Gonna miss the folks in Secondary 4, though. HIS...school sucks but awesome friends. I've been watching Ghost Whisperer starting season 1. Just finished season 1. GOD I hate the ending. I have a new crush, Luis Fonsi. He's Spanish, he's not handsome, or hot, or something. Well, he does look handsome in some of his pics. I'm in love with his voice. I'll be in school on wednesday. I don't know why it's not monday, oh well..it gives me 2 days extra. Oh how I'd love to sing with Luis Fonsi someday. I finally got to see and hear Cristian's newest voice. It's deep. And I can't sing anymore. Especially high notes. I suck at it now :p I suck at it before, it's even sucker now. That's iiiit.

Adios mi amor nyahwhaw
Graduation on Friday. I'll be singing "I'll Be There" Mariah Carey version with my friend. I'll be graduated from Secondary. After graduation is holiday! I wonder when is my new school starts. Here, school starts again on July, 18th. I think my new school will start before that. Probably July 13th. Anyway, I'll get a month holiday. Usually it's just 3 weeks plus a few days. I'm gonna miss my class so much. I'm not as sad as I was in Grade 8. Cos I'll be back to my old school. And I need to get used to goodbyes cos I'll be having lots of them. When I was in Grade 7 I need to get used to my class. And in Grade 8, it was great. Grade 9, I moved, I need to get used to my class and my new school. I felt so miserable. I needed months to get used to my class and my new school. I'm not so good with the new environment. Grade 10, I'm already used to it, not the school though. I had such an amazing times with my friends. And I'm leaving again. Anyway, even if I'm not leaving, many of my friends are leaving, so I'd better move. I need to get used to the language again. Secondary 3 was the hardest. All subjects are all in English, and my English sucked. And in Secondary I had subjects such as Economics, Accounting, and Business Studies. In non International school, you get that subjects in Grade 10/11. Grade 9 is the toughest. Grade 11 I need to get used to Indonesian language again. The books are gonna be in Indonesian. And the curriculum is different, I need to get used to it -_- I think it will be easier than in Secondary 3 though...
So...
Bye
HELLO EVERYONE,,

Long time no write :) This week is exam week. Just one more exam to go which is Mandarin and which I am not going to study because it's too much. I will definitely fail at mandarin, math, physics, and chemistry. And maybe IT and geography. I suck, I know. I miss singing so badly. I miss singing out loud. I wish my school has music lesson. I hate the fact that I'm not like anybody else. Most people are not shy to sing in front of their family. I'm too shy to sing in front of my family. I'd rather sing in front of thousands of people that I don't know. Every time I listen to music, I always imagine me singing it in front of people. And, my computer can't be signed in anymore. I'm using my mom's computer, but the internet here sucks! It's super slow. I'm afraid with my scores in my report card, I won't get accepted in PSKD Mandiri. I will never ever ever go back to Hope International School ever again. Never ever in my life. I don't want to ruin my future. I hope when I move school I'll understand chemistry. Something that will never happen if I stay in Hope. I haven't practiced my singing for more than a month. I saw pictures of Cristian today and boy, he's getting hot. I saw pictures of him singing. I need new videos of him. I want to hear his recent voice. I think next I'm gonna do lots of past papers and hand them in for extra score. And I am pissed at my physics teacher. He said the exam is only multiple choice questions. It turned out there was an essay too! >:O LIAR! It's been a long time since I go to ITC and buy some dvds. I miss lots of episodes of tv shows.I need to catch up. I'll watch it during long holiday. I can't wait for graduation. I'll be out of Hope! I'm supposed to study Mandarin right now. But I'll just watch two and a half men :)

BYE
When I first saw you
I knew that there's something between us
You said that I'm number one
I know it's changed already
How can you enter my life, make me love you, then walk away
It's hurt when I see you walking with her
And how everyone talks about you and her
I act like I don't care
When actually I'm broken inside
I know those feelings of yours can't be changed
No matter how hard I try
You told me how much you love her
And I just smiled
I know I love you more than her
And I guess you will never realise that
Lololol.

I just checked out my draft, and I found out something. It was written on 22 August, 2009.

"Things that make me wanna die...

1. School (only that school)
2. School
3. School
4. Teachers in that school especially HER!
5. Wasting my time in that school"

I used to hate Hope International School so much. Hahaha. I was so desperate to get out from there. My time in Hope International School is only a month left. Hard to believe, but due to some circumstances, I'm feeling kinda sad.

It's May already. Audrey's birthday :) Gawd I miss Audrey, Jennifer, Anabel, and Ramada so much.
IT class. It's been a long time since I post something here. I miss my blog D; Sunday was my mom's birthday. She's old. Ha ha ha. Oh oh! I downloaded lots of Cristian's songs :) Finally! Nooo, the class is almost over. I still wanna write something )); I think I'll post something as soon as I get home. I'll go to the dentist later. Too lazy. It's like an hour from school. I'll probably get home at 6. Gosh. And I'll be starving. Already prepared food though. Next class is Mandarin. I don't really like it -_- It's okay though, I don't really study. Most of the class I talk. I need to have good scores this term, or else I might not be accepted in PSKD Mandiri. But it seems impossible with math around. I got a really really bad score for math in the report card. WORST MATH SCORE IN THE HISTORY OF ALLIYYA LATHIFA!!! I want to buy a new glasses. Dad's office will pay for it ;) I need to think what colors should I use for the braces. Rainbow? Would it be weird? But I want to try it. Maybe I'll try it. Blue, red, green, purple, pink. Hohoho. Oh, Ms.Toilet has already dismissed the class. Bye peopleeeee :)
In IT class right now. The teacher is busy with Sophia. I haven't posted something here for more than 2 months :O I made a new post though, about my dream :D Since the teacher is busy with Sophia only, we're like opening stuff other than microsoft excel in the internet. Like me... Don't know what to write. I'm doing IGCSE paper about excel. So hard. Harder than chemistry.

IT class has end.

Ciao!
Last night I had the best dream ever...well, at least for now. So, every day I set my alarm clock to 4,5,5.30,6,6.10,and 6.20. I remember I was in PSKD Mandiri. I was wearing Hope International School uniform, but it felt like my school is in PSKD Mandiri. Someone from lower grade said hi to me and said "eh itu alliyya udah masuk" I forgot her face, but I've seen her face before.
I was in grade 10. There were no tables in the center. All tables were on...idk, somewhere out there. Me and grade 10 friends were sitting in the form of circle. There was a little boy. He was Asian, but tan. He was probably a Filipino. I remember he sang "Che Bellamore" In the middle of the song, I sang too. I didn't know the lyrics though. I just sang with my eyes closed. I think I woke up after that.
This was the best part! CRISTIAN IMPARATO came to grade 10. We were standing near the door. He came in without glasses, he wore like a sweater, red and other colors. I immediately hugged him. I HUGGED HIM! Oh how I wish it will come true. I whispered something to him. He asked me to repeat it and then he answered me. I was kinda surprise because he barely speak English. I took pictures with him after that. At first, it was only with my cell phone. And then, everyone was starting to take pictures of us. I felt like a celebrity -_- Then he headed to the computers. I told him I want to sing for him. But he acted cold. And here's the annoying part...MY ALARM RANG AND WOKE ME UP!
(By the way, yesterday I wrote this thing, and then the internet connection was off. And it can't be saved. Kinda surprised when I saw this thing -_- I thought things that I've written is gone!)
2 great things happened today.

The first thing was, the science fair project I've been working on was finally success. I've tried the experiment twice already. If today the experiment don't work, I have to change the topic. It's really interesting, I don't wanna change the project. I won't find anything as/more interesting as this.

Second thing. During physics time (we were in the lab) So, there was this kind of plug with the bulb on it. It was cute. It was on the table, someone put it there. And my friend, Shin, he didn't pay much attention. He was just playing around. He saw a lab glove and he put it on his hand. He found that plug, and he put it in the colokan. Me and the other two students were listening to the teacher when suddenly something exploded! There was a huge sound, and all the lights went off. The bulb itu bates maximumnya 5 watt, sementara di colokan itu 3300 watt. Thank God shin wore a glove, and he only plugged the bulb and not touching it after that. He could've died!! Seriously! If he touched the bulb, the electricity would go to his body causing shock. There'll be no more JiHun Shin.
So biology teacher told the biology class to make either poem or picture about ecosystem. I'm not good in drawing so I made a poem :D

Its getting hotter don't you think?
Oh look at that, the ice has melted
The ice couldn't stand the climate changes

I could hear animals crying
If they can talk, they would beg to us, humans
They'll say "please don't ruin our habitat"

Some of them say "why there's only me?"
Some of them don't know where to live
The population has been destroyed

Its the sound of water flooding everywhere
Destroying everything that pass through them
There just aren't enough trees to hold them

Its so hot here in the desert
They said it used to be a beautiful forest
Desertification made it look like that
Hey blog, hey Anabel. See Bel, I'm so nice I said hey to you. Long time no write.

- I had IGCSE Bahasa Indonesia on tuesday and thursday.
- Declan doesn't have facebook anymore. HOW COULD YOU, DEC!? That's the only way we keep in touch :( Make a new facebook!!!!!!
- I love Cristian more and more hahaha his voice is still high. He's worse than Justin Bieber!
- On thursday I'm going on a field trip. I'm going to the anatomy show. And I'll have IGCSE oral test also
- I was planning to be a mbok jamu on halloween but I decided not to. It will be uncomfortable to wear a kebaya. I decided to be a girly girl HAHA
- Cristian sang "And I am Telling You I'm Not Going". Yes Cristian, I'm gonna love you. Well, I do haha ngga jelas banget dah all --" but his right jambang was pretty gay
- I don't know what to write

Check out this link btwaywayway:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbZyglE9syQ&feature=related

He's a boy and his voice is higher than me -____- its okay if its a 9 year old, he was 13 in that video. You know how a 13 year old boys sound like. So deeep hahah
So,

bye
I don't like this feeling. In love, well not really in love. What should I say.. Its like, you wanna know someone, you want them to be with you, you want to be friends and even more with that someone. And that someone is your celebrity crush. I've had it twice already. The first one was with Declan obviously. And these days, I don't know since when. A month or two months ago, I found this kid named Cristian Imparato. He is amazing. He's a singer. And he was in a show called "Io Canto" its Italian. I watched him and oh wow. I watch him almost everyday. But never thought I have the feelings which I had for Declan before. He can't speak English well. His interview, his everything is in Italian. I can't understand it. And now I'm studying Italian language -_- I can count 1-29 and say my name is Alliyya in Italian. What I want to say was, I don't like this. Why couldn't I just admire him, without imagining me going to Italy then meet Cristian and blabalbla. He made me jealous. He's more than 14 and a half years old, he's a boy, and he can sing higher notes than me. Whenever I hear him sing I feel like, oh God I suck! He hasn't hit puberty yet. He's worse than Justin Bieber. He's not handsome or hot. He looks like nerd indeed. I feel like I have no talent in singing when I watch him. Hah. I love him anyway. And I learn Italian language so I can communicate with him someday if I meet him. I wish.

So, here's the link if you guys want to see him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoeyUqt48m4

The boy with the highest voice is Cristian

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpFn3KV29KQ

Another one. This one's amazing
I'm in IT class. Today's lessons was boring. Especially during chemistry class. We studied a new chapter. And tomorrow there'll be the test about the new chapter -_- me and Tirzah want to talk to the teacher so she can postpone the test. We just studied the chapter today and tomorrow there'll be a test about that thing... Not that chapter only actually, there are two more chapters that will be in the test. So in total, there will be 3 chapters for tomorrow's test. Plus there'll be geography test. 5 chapters! I am so gonna fail at chemistry!!
I don't know what to write actually.

Sooo... bye.