It took me more than a year to finally finish writing. I always felt hesitant, still not sure whether I should bring this up or not. It took...


It took me more than a year to finally finish writing. I always felt hesitant, still not sure whether I should bring this up or not. It took me another year to finally be able to post it. I've always wanted to put this in my blog but have always been scared. Afraid for the same reason I didn't tell any of my loved ones what I was feeling when I was depressed. Afraid of being judged, afraid that people would look down on me.

Depression. It is a serious matter that should not be taken lightly. Please note that I'm not an expert in this subject, I just want to share my experience hoping that it may be helpful to other people who might be in the situation where I was or know someone who's dealing with depression. I know that mental illness is not something common to talk about here in Indonesia and most people are still lacking in knowledge of depression and other mental illness.

I used to write and managed to save some of my writings when I was depressed. The writings in italic would be the the ones I wrote back then. Not going to post all of them, just some paragraphs. I didn't add anything to make it more dramatic. It's very hard for me to put it out there, but I hope it will make you understand how people with depression might feel. Again please note my writing might not apply to someone else.
The pictures are so clear it surely doesn't feel like it happened 5 years ago. I'm not writing it in chronological order, I mean it was 5 years ago the memories are in pieces. I still think about it often, different memories would play in my head. There's time when I feel like I can never move past depression, however I deal with it a lot better now. The reason why I wouldn't tell any of my friends or family was because I felt weird. I've never told anyone about my feelings, about something so personal. I didn't want my friends to think less of me. I didn't want my mum to know what was going on in my mind, it'd break her heart to pieces. 

It all started in late 2012, between November and December. I didn't know how long I have felt this way, but I felt sad. My school was having a Christmas celebration and I stayed in the...I forgot the word for the "sick room" you have at school ha. Anyway, I laid on the bed as I was too sad to move. I stayed quiet when I got called. The teacher actually thought I was sick. My eyes were watery when the teacher came to me and it wasn't because I was sick. It was because I was sad. That was the beginning to something so painful. My life went downhill from there.

I felt sad, angry, and anxious all the time and I didn't know why. I felt guilty because I really shouldn't have felt it. There was this funny moment, where for the first time ever my school got a counsellor. The counsellor was introduced from class to class, and when it was my class' turn, my friends and I made jokes on how I needed a counselling. I never thought that I really needed one.

I remember the first time I went to a school counsellor I told her I felt angry for no reason then I was given a test. The depression test you'd find on the internet. At the time, the symptoms of my depression weren't really bad. What happened after got a bit blurry, all I remember was I changed completely. I always felt agitated at something I didn't even know. I always felt overwhelmed. I am not an open person. I keep everything to myself most of the time and good at hiding pretty much anything. Even my close friends in university didn't know I had depression until recently.

The way I saw myself changed. I felt useless. I felt like there's no use in living. I felt worthless. I thought that if I disappeared, the world will stay the same. I would be another statistic of people died of depression. I felt hate towards myself. I don't think anyone can hate me more than I hated myself at the time. I lost interests in everything. I felt weary doing nothing.  I felt anxious that when I was at school I had to lock myself in the toilet where I cried and cried or went out of class in the middle of a lesson to calm myself.

Then I found a way to express myself in a wrong way. I got angry for no reason and when I can't do something I got frustrated. I needed something to release my anger so I started to hurt myself. At first it was just a scratch on my skin. Even then I felt like I was useless. That I can't even hurt myself properly. It wasn't enough. I needed to draw blood. I needed something that can hurt me more than a math compass. There was something about blades that gave me a sense of security.

When you feel depressed don't read something that might trigger you. I think it applies to everything really, like when you just broke up with someone you shouldn't stalk their social media. I first got the inspiration from reading a book about a girl who cut herself. When I was on holidays, I didn't go out for 4 days straight and when I finally did it was to buy blades to hurt myself more. I felt like hurting myself is better than telling anyone about how I felt. I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems.

"I looked at my scars and I look nasty. I am disgusted by myself."
"You know what al... rather than telling other people about your problems, it's better to hurt yourself. You don't want to waste their precious time just to listen to you. And really, they don't care. I repeat, they don't care. They are too busy with something and don't you dare disturb them." 

One day I woke up and decided I don't want to be here anymore. I wanted to die. I've never felt so helpless. I felt sorry for my parents to have me as their child. I didn't tell my parents about my feelings, I couldn't. I used to write when I was depressed and I'm glad I did. It helped me unload even if it was just a little bit and now I have something to remember.

"It's tiring to be like this. There is not a single day passed without tears and there is not a single day passed without me thinking about how much I want to be dead. My suicide thoughts and how much I want to make it real. I woke up with me saying how stupid I am. This is new, I've never felt so brainless and worthless before."
"I just want this to end. If I'm gone, the world will stay the same right..."

During classes I would go to the toilet (the toilet was nice and spacious by the way) and I would just sit on the floor with my ipod, listened to songs and cried and cried and cried. I didn't know what was the reason, all I knew was it felt so painful. I didn't study for exams. I remember the day I was supposed to have chemistry exam I went out before class started and lock myself in the toilet. I felt too anxious to stay in class and would some time went out of class and walked around school. I went to counselling a lot and whenever I was there I would take a tissue and ripped it little by little because I was so anxious. Now that I think about it I feel sorry for my school counsellor having to clean that up. 

I felt like I didn't deserve to be happy. I felt like everything I did was a mistake. One day I went to buy shoes for my brother's wedding. When I got home my mum said I bought the wrong shoes. Gosh, even that made me feel like I can't do anything right.

"I never do anything right. All I do is mistake. I'm so tired, and wrong I could cry anytime.

"For the first time ever since, I don't know, it seems like ages ago, I laughed so hard. It's good to be able to laugh. The thing is, I laughed so hard cos it's funny, but I don't feel happy. It felt like someone inside me said "Why are you laughing? A person like you don't deserve to laugh." And so after that I stayed in my room."

I didn't handle the stress well. More and more scars appeared on my body. My mum and other people started to question it. I just said I got scratched. All became unbearable and so I attempted suicide. Once, twice, it didn't work.

"I don't have a kid, so I don't know how it feels like. But if I were a mum and I found out my kid wants to die and has taken __ paracetamols in one take, hoping it will kill her, I'd be devastated." (had to censor the number, don't wanna give anyone the wrong idea)

"I don't feel like getting any help because I don't want to get better. I want to die, that's what I want. I'm not even sure on how I feel anymore. It's like, I'm tired of being like this but on the other hand, I don't want to be healed. I don't want these thoughts to go away because I don't want to continue this life anymore."

I was still functioning. I went to school everyday, passed my national exam, went to university. However, the pain didn't go away. When I was already in the university I went to a psychiatrist. I was hoping I would get some meds and I did get some. Of course the purpose wasn't for me to get better, it was for something else. And that was the last time I tried. I realised it's not going to work. During my first year in university I missed a lot of activities. People are less understanding and I was afraid things would go back the way they were. I harmed myself for the last time and finally able to throw those blades away. 3 years clean now. The scars are still here to remind me I have won the battle against depression.
Now some advice on how to deal with people who suffer from depression from my perspective. I hope it can help in some ways. Even if you don't know anyone who's going through it, it might be useful in the future.

Numero uno: don't give too many advice and most importantly, don't judge. There was nothing that annoyed me more than my teacher when he told me to do this and that. Just don't. It was really hard to hear. You think you know better but you don't. I think what people need to understand is that those with depression don't have the same way of thinking than those who don't. I hate when people say those who committed suicide aren't religious enough, they shouldn't have blablabla. If you don't have anything nice to say just be quiet.

Instead... numero due: listen. When someone with depression comes to you it means he/she wants to be heard. Be a good listener and let them unload some of the burden. I was grateful to have a school counsellor who was willing to listen to me even after school hours. She would reply my messages even at night. I was grateful for my homeroom teacher who cared for me. I was especially grateful for my English teacher who would stay there by my side. During the chemistry exam that I wrote above, I locked myself in the toilet outside of class. He came and stayed outside, even when he got a job interview he chose to stay with me (later he told me the company was bankrupted).

Numero trois: give words of encouragement. My English teacher used to say that I am an amazing person and will go far in life. When the words worthless and useless are repeated over and over again, I believed that that's what I was. The same goes with positive words.
To those suffer from depression you are most welcome to speak to me. I know it's hard to believe right now, but it will get better.
And to those dealing with someone who suffer from depression, don't give up on them.


Untuk pertama kalinya saya, aku, gue.. enaknya apa ya. Saya terlalu formal, gue terlalu informal, jadi aku aja kali ya. Untuk pertama kaliny...


Untuk pertama kalinya saya, aku, gue.. enaknya apa ya. Saya terlalu formal, gue terlalu informal, jadi aku aja kali ya. Untuk pertama kalinya aku akan nulis blog post dengan bahasa Indonesia. Mungkin seterusnya setiap aku review produk lokal aku akan memakai bahasa Indonesia yang tidak sesuai dengan kaidah yang baik dan benar.

Beberapa bulan terakhir aku lebih tertarik dengan lipstick lokal dibanding lipstick brand luar. Wish list udah panjang karena tahun ini banyak banget brand lokal yang ngeluarin liquid lipstick. Rollover Reaction sudah ada sejak bulan Maret tahun ini, tapi baru kesampean nyoba bulan lalu meskipun dari awal keluar udah naksir. Baru-baru ini RR release 3 shades baru yang bertema 90's. Karena lagi cinta dengan lipstick bernuansa coklat, langsung deh spontan ambil semuanya.

Cinta banget sama liquid lipstick yang packagingnya persegi. Lipsticknya dikemas dalam frosted glass dengan doe-foot applicator dan cap hitam. Designnya simple (both box dan lipsticknya), ada logo dan nama brand, nggak ada gambar macem-macem.

Texture & Formula
Teksturnya perpaduan antara cair dan creamy. Formulanya sama sekali nggak bikin bibir kering. Sangat pigmented dan nggak patchy. Hasilnya keliatan velvety matte dan bukan dead matte yang bikin setiap garis di bibir keliatan. Setelah dipakai beberapa jam nggak crumbling dan tetap nyaman di bibir. Lipstick ini cocok banget untuk orang yang bibirnya kering dan nggak tahan pake lipstick matte tapi tetep pengen pakai liquid lipstick.

Wangi manis seperti vanilla yang subtle banget, nggak ada wangi chemical. Sama sekali nggak ganggu atau bikin enek. Kecuali lipsticknya dicium nggak akan kecium wanginya, apalagi setelah dipakai.

Meskipun lipstick ini nyaman banget dipake, tapi cepat banget ilangnya (tak ada lipstick yang terlahir sempurna *nyanyi*). Biasanya setelah aku makan kalau pake liquid lipstick lain pasti warnanya masih ada. Tapi ini hampir atau kadang seluruhnya hilang. Padahal aku termasuk tipe yang kalau makan rapi dan nggak pernah jilat bibir. Enaknya adalah bisa dengan mudah di reapply dan tetap nyaman tanpa takut cracking atau crumbling.

Swatches + Thoughts On Each Shade

Top-Bottom: Saddie, Livv, Moss, Umma

Ini adalah lipstick RR pertama yang aku beli. Diantara 5 original shades yang ada aku paling interested dengan yang ini karena emang I'm a sucker for . Warna pinknya yang soft cocok banget untuk dipakai sehari-hari. Shade ini cocok untuk berbagai warna kulit. If you're a big fan of neutral pink, this one's a must have.

Awalnya aku kira diantara ketiga shades baru ini yang paling aku nggak suka. Tapi, it turned out to be my favourite out of the three. Aku nggak punya warna kayak gini. Warnanya unik coklat-orange, tetap cocok untuk aku pake kuliah. Warna nudenya bagus. Di foto keliatan banget orangenya mungkin karena matahari juga, tapi aslinya lebih subtle dan lebih keliatan coklatnya.

Sama seperti Livv, sebelumnya aku belum pernah punya warna kayak gini. Coklatnya bener-bener true brown. Hasilnya di aku coklat gelap. Definitely bukan warna yang cocok untuk aku pakai kuliah. Shade ini surprisingly patchy. Untuk mendapatkan warna yang opaque aku harus pake 2 layer untuk bottom lips. Warna ini juga ngga bertahan lama, cuma minum dan ngemil rapi atau makan yang nggak berminyak langsung bagian tengahnya pudar banget. So, make sure kalau pake ini ke luar harus selalu dibawa lipsticknya untuk touch-up.

I love me some dark red lips. Kalau dipake keliatannya warna merah biasa, tapi kalo di compare dengan merah lain keliatan coklatnya. Swatch di foto karena cahaya jadi warnanya lebih terang dari aslinya. Warna ini pigmented dan ngga sepatchy Moss. Warnanya cantik banget. Aku pake ini ngga harus kayak Moss 2 layer, 1 layer aja udah cukup. Warna ini aku suka paduin dengan lipstick pink ku yang kemudaan warnanya.

Overall I love RR's products. Say yay to local products! <3

Thanks for reading.



One of the comfiest liquid lipsticks I have ever tried. Period. I first stumbled upon this lipstick months ago. The first Meet Matt(e) Hug...

TheBalm Meet Matt(e) Hughes Review + Swatches

One of the comfiest liquid lipsticks I have ever tried. Period.

I first stumbled upon this lipstick months ago. The first Meet Matt(e) Hughes I purchased was the shade Charming. At first I wasn't really into it so I decided to give it away. It wasn't until last month-when I laid my eyes on the newer shades-that I realised how much I love this liquid lipstick. 

The Balm's products have the best packaging. How can you stay away from the eye-catching, Retro packaging. Plus, they all have cute names. The picture of Matt and his date is too cute. The tube itself is transparent with a doe foot applicator. The only con of this lipstick would be messy, look at the wand below. Although I never experience it, some people complain that the products would leak out of the tube.

It has a creamy texture which I really like. I prefer a mousse-y formula as it doesn't dry out your lips. Even though it doesn't feel as dry as say Colourpop, you still need to prep your lips before applying. If you put it on dry lips, it will show your lip lines and the dead skin. 

Probably the tastiest scent from a liquid lipstick. It has a mint chocolate smell which I'm fine with it. Not a big fan, but it's better than the chemical-smelling liquid lipstick. Compared to the Revlon ColorBurst Matte, the mint scent is more subtle. It doesn't leave a tingly sensation on your lips, unlike Revlon's (which I dislike).

Liquid lipsticks that are comfortable usually don't last as long as the uncomfortable ones. The Balm has a creamy texture, very comfortable to use, therefore, it doesn't last very long on the lips. Although, it really depends on whether you eat or not, what you eat, and your habit (licking your lips will make the lipstick fades faster).

Swatches + Thoughts on Each Shade


Starting with the lightest shade I own, this one surprised me. I thought it wouldn't look good on me, that it would make me look pale. Surprisingly, I like it. It still gives my lips colour without making me look like a sick person. It lasts pretty well on the lips. I could use it for hours and when it starts to fade I could barely see it if it's not up-close.


The first shade I bought when I decided to give this lipstick another go. I think it's the perfect nude for me. If you think that Charming is too dark and Committed is too light, get this one.


The shade that rekindled my love with The Balm Meet Matt(e). Purple and berries will always have a spot in my heart. Dedicated is such a fun and bold colour. The only turnoff with this one is that this particular shade is super messy. See the picture below.


My least favourite out of the bunch. Not a big fan of bright red lipsticks, only the dark vampy ones. However, if you're into reds then this might be the perfect shade. Not too light, not too dark. And yes, the picture is blurry. I was trying to fix my hair, the timer won't wait.


I completely adore this colour! Definitely one of my favourites. This and Committed, can't decide which one's my fave! A bit patchy when swatched on hand. However, on the lips it looks perfect. The lipstick looks darker in real life. I absolutely love how this looks on me. Can't stop staring at myself when wearing this.

You can purchase it from The Balm's stores or online shop for cheaper price. When purchasing on online shop beware of fake The Balm Meet Matt(e) Hughes. Thank you for reading!


I recently fell in love with The Balm's products especially their liquid lipstick, Meet Matte Hughes. Quick review, it's one of the ...

The Balm Meet Matt(e) Hughes FAKE vs REAL

I recently fell in love with The Balm's products especially their liquid lipstick, Meet Matte Hughes. Quick review, it's one of the best liquid lipsticks out there. I love liquid lipsticks that have mousse-y texture and doesn't suck the moisture out of my lips. Although it doesn't last as long as some liquid lipsticks I own, it's very comfortable on the lips. The only problem I have is that a lot of online shops sell fake products and claim it as original products. Me being reckless, I fell in the trap and got myself a fake lipstick. This writing is meant to show the difference between the fake and the real Meet Matte Hughes, and to share some tips based on personal experience on how to avoid getting fake products.

During the holiday I purchased The Balm Committed in an online shop on Instagram (IG: cathydolla now seoulshopping - this online shop changed their name 3 times since I purchased the fake lipstick ). I've been eyeing on Committed and Adoring and decided to purchase one just in case the online shop is not trusted. I purchased the lipstick around IDR 15-20k (about 1.5 USD) cheaper than usual. The Balm released some new shades and the online shop was having "sale" for the older shades. Even before the lipstick arrived I had problem with shipping time. I bought makeup from two other online shops - shipped on Monday and arrived on Tuesday. With the same courier service, this package arrived on Friday. I don't think it's delivered on the same day as promised. And ooh I just checked and found two people commenting, having problems with the online shop.

The package finally came and I had a bad feeling. Here are some of the differences between the fake one and the real one. If you already own an original The Balm Meet Matt(e) Hughes then you'd be able to spot the counterfeit. However, if you haven't own any it might be hard to distinguish because the packaging is pretty much the same. Additional note to the pictures below, real product is always on the left side.

1. The box: I cut through the paper wrap, held the the lipstick box and instantly felt that something was wrong. The surface felt rough and the picture of Matt and his date looks blurry. Applause to other aspects, though. All the fonts used are identical. Looking from the front, there's not much different except Matt is looking a little fa...chubbier on the fake product if you zoom in. I think the real difference is at the back where there's a TV surrounding the barcode and TheBalm logo present in the authentic product.

2. The tube: Again, all the fonts used are identical and the picture of Matt and his date is blurry. The most visible difference would be the writings in the original one is written in bold white colour, whereas the fake one is a lot less visible.

3. The applicator: when I opened the fake product I can feel that it doesn't open smoothly (bahasa Indonesia nya pas diputer terasa seret). The real lipstick has shorter wand and bigger applicator while the fake lipstick has longer wand and smaller applicator. It may be hard to see if you haven't got the original to compare. It's very hard to find a con of this lipstick, but I've heard people saying that the product would leak out of the packaging. As you can see below the real lipstick wand is very messy, covered in lipstick. Meanwhile, the fake one is very clean (no, I did not wipe the lipstick off the wand).

4. The scent: The Balm Meet Matt(e) Hughes is famous for its chocolate mint scent. The bogus one has a super sweet smell that makes me feel nauseous. I think this would be the easiest way to determine whether the lipstick is real or not.

Top: Real - Sincere, Bottom: Fake - Committed
My advice to those who wants to purchase this lipstick is make sure you buy it from a trusted online shop. The price ranges from 185k-235k. If you happen to stumble upon The Balm Meet Matte Hughes that only costs 150k, it's fake. Even when the seller says it's on sale or it's real, don't believe it. It's better to spend more money on authentic product rather than purchase something that's 50k cheaper but fake. Don't even dare to use fake lipstick. There might be harmful chemicals and it can get inside your body through your mouth when you eat or drink.

I actually finished writing months ago. I don't know why but I kept on procrastinating. Note: photos are taken by my phone and hence t...

Evete Products Review

I actually finished writing months ago. I don't know why but I kept on procrastinating.
Note: photos are taken by my phone and hence the quality of the photos aren't that good. But eh, the reviews are all that matters.

I’ve gotten myself quite a lot of Evete’s products recently. Evete is an Indonesian brand specialised in natural handmade skincare products. I have made a review comparing their lip balm with another brand somewhere in this blog. And since I’ve tried all their products – body butter, body lotion, body scrub, lip balm and face scrub– why not review them all.

Lip Balms

I’m a fan of their lip balms. I have finished three tubes, and going to finish another one soon. The lip balm feels heavy and thick. It will also give you that shine on your lips. It is very moisturising. If you have chapped lips or want extra moisture at night, this would be the perfect product. Evete has 6 different smells for their lip balms and since I purchased their Valentine’s Day set last year, I’ve smelled all 6 of them.

Chocolate mint: it doesn’t smell like chocolate mint. To me it smells like chocolate peanut donut. I gave this one to my cousin. However, I managed to try it and it gives me that minty sensation which I’m not a fan of.
Vanilla: it smelled just like vanilla and they use real vanilla beans. I feel like this is too sweet for my liking so I gave this to my friend. She’s a fan of sweet scent and she loves it. However, that was last year's opinion. Now I found myself liking sweet-smelling products, which is why I got another vanilla lip balm for myself. And this time I love it.
Coconut: one of my favourites. It does smell artificial and sweet. I think the best way to describe it would be if you ever buy a soap that has a smell of coconut, this lip balm smells like that.
Lemon Ginger: my favourite. I dislike both lemon and ginger scents. Mixed them together and boom! I LOVE it, LOVE it, LOVE it. It smells exactly like lemon and ginger combined. It has that fresh smell and not too overpowering.
Green Tea: my least favourite out of the 6. I finished this first because I got to save the best for last. It smells weird. I imagined better smell, and was most excited about this one when it first arrived. The good thing is, it contains real green tea powder.
Strawberry: I don’t think I would like this one, but I did. If you ever smelled The Body Shop’s strawberry body butter, it smells a lot like that. It has that sweet scent without being overly sweet.

I feel like the lip balms have different consistencies than the others. For instance, the coconut lip balm feels super thick on my lips. One layer would make my lips feel sticky. Meanwhile, the lemon ginger and green tea ones are less thick and feels more comfy on the lips. If you don’t like something heavy on your lips then you wouldn’t like this product. However, if you don’t mind the glossiness and want something that’s very moisturising for your lips, go with this one.
It’s the most moisturising lip balms I’ve ever used. No doubt.

Body Butter

Evete’s is the thickest and the most oily body butter I’ve ever tried. It feels very heavy on the skin and will not be absorbed completely and will feel greasy. It’s probably due to the fact that it contains shea butter. I personally don’t mind because it feels like my body is very moisturised. I actually prefer moisturisers that will leave that sticky feeling instead of the ones that will get absorbed completely. That’s why I prefer body butter to lotion. If you can’t stand the greasy feeling, you won’t like it. Don’t leave the body butter in high temperature, as it will melt. When I first got mine, the body butter kind of melted and the oil leaked.

Aloe and cucumber: my favourite. Unfortunately, it’s limited edition and sold around Christmas last year. Honestly, it took me days to figure out which set to get. Evete released two gift sets for Christmas and mother’s day. The Christmas set sounds interesting with aloe and cucumber scent. Meanwhile, the mother’s day set has floral scent (and I LOVE floral scent). I finally decided to go for the aloe and cucumber one. Evete had a promo, which was buy any set and get lip balm for free. I purchased it immediately since I needed the lip balm anyway. The set contains body lotion, body butter, and body scrub, all with the exact smell.

When I first got it I was in love with the packaging design (not so much with the box). Evete always has that simple yet elegant feeling to it. My love reached a whole new level when I first smelled it. If I could only pick ONE body butter for the rest of my life, this would be my pick. I’m not exaggerating. I am totally in love with the scent. In fact, I haven’t finished the products that are in the Christmas gift set just because I love it so much (note: this was a few months ago). I can’t describe smell in words. The best way I can describe it is that it smells fresh and sweet and the scent is gentle. Whenever I use this, I can never stop smelling my arms. The first week I received the Christmas set; I kept on smelling the products.

Another body butter I got from Evete's giveaway is the lemon vanilla body butter. It smells exactly like Arnott's lemon crisp biscuit that my mum used to eat all the time back when my dad worked in the Philippines. I like the smell. However, I can't stand using it on a daily basis as it is too sweet. This body butter is attracting ants. It's probably because of the sweet scent. I would find a group of ants lying dead on the packaging.

Body Lotion

I love Evete’s body lotion. It’s not as thick as the body butter and takes less time to be absorbed by my skin. It is very moisturising. I don’t like using lotions from Nivea or Vaseline because they’re so liquidy and will be completely absorbed by my skin, which I dislike because I feel like I’m not moisturised enough and my skin would feel dry again soon. I love the texture of Evete’s body lotion. Sometimes I use the lotion at night and my skin doesn’t feel dry the morning I wake up. Meaning, even the lotion is very moisturising. Since I got the lotions from the sets I purchased, they smell exactly the same. Therefore, I will not describe the smell. Same goes with the body scrub.

Body Scrub

It’s the harshest body scrub I’ve ever tried because Evete used what feels like granulated sugar as the scrub. However, since it’s made with natural ingredients it wouldn’t harm the environment unlike scrubs with microbeads. The good thing is this scrub is definitely the most moisturising scrub I’ve ever used. After using this scrub it feels as if I just put body butter on. Therefore, I don’t recommend scrubbing in body parts that you feel weird putting body butter on (like your armpits). I like to put the body scrub on a spoon before using it. I feel like spoon is the best measuring instrument.

Face Scrub
(Papaya Enzyme Face Scrub with Charcoal & Green Tea Extract)

Photo credit: Evete

The face scrub is Evete's latest product. I got the chance to try it first before it's released. Honestly, I'm not a fan of this product. The smell is unpleasant. Probably due to the fact that it's a natural product. The scrub is too harsh on my face. I would just put the scrub on my face gently without rubbing it around. And it leaves a black residue on my face. Whenever I put on some toner the cotton would go black. On the plus side it doesn't cause break out, it's packed with natural ingredients, and it leaves my skin smooth afterwards. I love the squeeze tube packaging as well. And also the part where I could use it straight away without having to mix it with water. It makes things easier. 

From the reviews above, I am a happy customer. There may be one or two products that I'm not a fan of. However, I love Evete's products most of the time. Even though they're expensive, they’re of excellent quality and made from natural ingredients with no mineral oil or parabens. Thanks for reading this!


Photo by: Alex Wigan Stuck between two places Stuck between two hearts Will I find happiness on the other side Will it be better...


Photo by: Alex Wigan

Stuck between two places
Stuck between two hearts
Will I find happiness on the other side
Will it be better than the present

When words no longer have meaning
When memories no longer touch a place in my heart
Leaving reality for an illusion
Give me the time I've lost

And if I could only see you in my dreams
I'd never wake up so we can always be together
And if false belief fulfill the emptiness inside
Let me daydream, never take me back to reality

Don't want to leave the things that are killing me
Because I no longer know how to live
Don't take away the grief inside me
Without them I wouldn't be alive

Just listen to my muted scream
Let my life tells its delusion
Listen to my soul speaking and you'll know
You'll know what's inside

First post in 2016! Yay! Before I start with the review I'm gonna do a background story, so here goes. There was this night where I...

Wangsa Jelita Green Tea Lotion, Rose Body Butter and Sandalwood Beauty Oil Review

First post in 2016! Yay!

Before I start with the review I'm gonna do a background story, so here goes. There was this night where I randomly scrolled through my blog post and found a comment from an actual person. I was surprised because I really thought no one reads my blog except me. I was so happy to know that there's actually someone who enjoyed my writing (at least that's what I thought).

It turned out that the co-founder of a local brand called Wangsa Jelita wanted to chat with me. I looked at the date and bam! it was 4 months ago. I emailed her anyway to say thank you and from there I got offered to try Wangsa Jelita's products. Of course I said yes. I've heard of the brand for quite some time now. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to try because most of my body care products (body butter, lotion, etc) are purchased by my mum.

Yes, the products I'm about to review are sent to me. Meaning, I didn't pay a dime for these products. However, the review will be 100% my own thoughts based on my experience using the products. I'm not going to lie or sugar coat anything. I feel the need to point that out because I'm about to write is basically me craving for Wangsa Jelita's products.

Green Tea Lotion


I barely use lotion as I prefer body butter. I picked this one just to have a taste of all Wangsa Jelita's moisturisers. My expectation was low on this green tea lotion. I've always been a fan of green tea and love how they smell. However, whenever I purchase any skin care that says green tea in it, I always get disappointed because the smell turned out nothing like I imagined.

What I love the most about this lotion is that it smells exactly like tea. The scent is light, you could only smell it if you really stick your nose. Once applied, the scent is barely there. Very recommended to those who are sensitive to smell. And to those who prefer sweet strong smell like vanilla, this one might not be enjoyable. It says "apply daily after showers" on the packaging which I never do. I just want my body to be dry right after shower and will get cold and impatient if I have to apply a moisturiser and wait for my body to dry by itself.

No worries, this lotion will be absorbed by your body perfectly even when your skin is dry before applying. This lotion takes less than a minute to be absorbed. It is moisturising and will not feel greasy. The lotion is very lightweight, it's as if I didn't put anything on. Since I'm used to body butter and body oil, I feel like I'm not moisturised enough even though I am. The best time to use it would be on day time because for some people going to uni or work feeling greasy can be bothering.

The packaging itself is pretty simple with a flip flop cap which I appreciate very much. Makes it travel-friendly, no need to worry about spilling it. The price isn't so bad especially since it's made out of natural ingredients. Most of the local brand I know sell their lotions double the price for the same or less amount of product.

Rose Body Butter


I am truly amazed by this. First of all, the scent is exactly what I was hoping for. A subtle smell that won't pierce through my nose. I can't stand that strong floral smell that some body lotion/butter have. My mum was beside me when I first smelled it and she loves it. Again, it's supposed to be applied right after shower but I just apply it when my skin is dry. The texture itself is a dream. Just look at how smooth it is.

What impressed me the most is how this product doesn't make me feel greasy at all. It feels super light weight, as if I don't have body butter on my body. The body butter I usually use would feel super greasy and heavy (not that I mind). But this one, I'm genuinely impressed. It feels more like a lotion to me with extra moisture.

Once I ordered body butter online and it leaked, making the packaging sticky. This product didn't leak during shipping which means it's pretty safe to be in your bag. If you don't like feeling greasy but still need that extra moisture, go for this. Again, I am truly fascinated on how light weight a body butter can feel. Would definitely purchase the green tea body butter after this runs out.

Sandalwood Beauty Oil

Seriously, how does Wangsa Jelita make their products feel so lightweight? I applied it and since it's a body oil it felt greasy at first. The greasy feeling will be gone in 5-10 minutes. It doesn't feel heavy on the skin at all. But then again, if you put the oil too much of course it will feel greasy. Even the body butter I usually use feels thicker on the skin than this! This body oil is the most moisturising out of all the products above.

Not only it is moisturising, you can also use it for other things such as massage oil or removing waterproof make-up. Haven't tried it myself though. I notice the oil is more watery than the other body oil I own. The packaging is a see-through with a spray cap. Very travel friendly, it won't leak with that kind of cap.

Sandalwood attracts me the second most after almond. If I did choose the almond beauty oil, I won't have the other two products to review. The smell is pretty strong, which I normally don't like. I like this one though. It probably because even though the scent is strong, it comes naturally from essential oil and not fragrance. It's hard for me to describe a smell, it has that woodsy and relaxing aroma.

Overall, I love Wangsa Jelita's products. Since their body lotion/butter/scrub only consist of 2 variants (green tea and rose), I would love for them to make another scent. Would definitely purchase the beauty oil - olio (contains all 5 of the beauty oils in mini size) once my sandalwood beauty oil runs out. If you use bar soap, check out their bar soaps. They have a wide variety of it. I really wish Wangsa Jelita would make a liquid soap in the future.

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Thanks for reading!


High school is the time when I really need to find myself. Just like everyone else, I had to make the decision of what I want to do for the ...

My Name is Alliyya and I Don't Know What To Do

High school is the time when I really need to find myself. Just like everyone else, I had to make the decision of what I want to do for the rest of my life. Finding a major can be bothersome. Since I was in grade 11, I knew I'm going to take biology. My fascination of the ocean (the deep sea specifically) and wild animals made me sure that's what I want. I didn't know what career I could possibly have with biology back then. Therefore, I decided to try for medical school instead because I thought it has better opportunities. However, since my passion never lies in medical world, I ended up taking biology.

I've made my plans clear. I'm going to study here in Jakarta for bachelor's degree, then continue to marine biology graduate school abroad. It has been my plan since grade 11 and I sticked to it until recently. I found myself in a situation where I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I no longer knows where my passion lies in, nor am I excited with the thought of what used to be my dreams.

Oh, life. It's now 11 pm and I'm writing from my phone while lying in bed thinking what could possibly happen tomorrow or the day after. How about next month? Next year? The future is a mystery. Full of questions and uncertainty. I used to be scared. Not knowing what's in store for me. Although looking back, scared is an understatement. I was terrified. Anxious. More than half of my problems are caused by my fear of the unpredictable. I became depressed (also caused by other factors), I didn't want to face the future.

To think about it once in a while is fine. However, to be consumed by it is the total opposite of fine. I wasn't able to enjoy every present day of my life. I remember thinking I don't want to face tomorrow because I'm frightened by it. I wish I could just disappear so I wouldn't have to face it. That's the kind of perspective that makes you lose today and won't get you anywhere. You are living in the present, make the best of it. I found a great quote which perfectly describes how it should have been.

"One must simply take the days of their lives as they happen. If you spend time worrying over what is to come, which may or may not happen, then you will only be wasting precious days you will wish in the future you could have cherished a bit longer."

My point of view didn't change overnight. It happened gradually as I became tired of seeing life in a negative way. I had so much negativity, it felt as if I was attached to a horse carriage while wearing a metal suit. I realised that the future became out of reach, the present day felt like a punishment, and yesterday was a day wasted. I have not even reached my twenties. Too young to be living such life, one that's filled with habitual skepticism. 

Stop worrying. I worried too much that instead of solving my problems, I got preoccupied with the thought of worst case scenarios and doubts. I stopped worrying. I stopped worrying about the future because it hasn't happened yet. I stopped worrying about the past because there's nothing I can do to change it. I stopped worrying about what others think of me because it is out of my control. I stopped worrying about my body shape and grades. If I'm not happy with it, I should have put more efforts. 

Stop overthinking. I've seen pictures that says overthinking kills your happiness, and I can confirm it based on my personal experience. Stop analysing every situation. Stop dwelling in sadness. Stop creating problems that weren't even there to begin with. Stop burdening yourself with thoughts that are making everything worse than it already has. When things got out of control take a deep breath and go for a walk. When I got overwhelmed I would just listen to music and cry myself out, then I stopped and find a distraction.

I keep reminding myself that I'm not in control of life. Everything can change. I no longer worry about what I want to do with my life. There are endless possibilities, it's not just left or right. I am 19 and I still need to walk a long way to reach my destination. At times like this I may not know which station I am supposed to be, but now I know better not to be stuck in the same place and sulk. 

I'll experience something I haven't done before, learn a new language, and improve my social skills. I'll sing and dance, fall in love, and get my heart broken. I'll meet new people, some I'll cherish and some I'd want to put in a cargo ship to Congo. I'll fail exams and skip a class or two. Not knowing what's in the future is a scary place to be. But then again...

I don't need to have everything figured out. 

"No one knows what your life has got in store. You may go walking on the moon. You may be rich or poor. But I know for certain if you try to reach the stars anything is possible. Your dreams are what you are."