Photo by: Alex Wigan Stuck between two places Stuck between two hearts Will I find happine...


Photo by: Alex Wigan

Stuck between two places
Stuck between two hearts
Will I find happiness on the other side
Will it be better than the present

When words no longer have meaning
When memories no longer touch a place in my heart
Leaving reality for an illusion
Give me the time I've lost

And if I could only see you in my dreams
I'd never wake up so we can always be together
And if false belief fulfill the emptiness inside
Let me daydream, never take me back to reality

Don't want to leave the things that are killing me
Because I no longer know how to live
Don't take away the grief inside me
Without them I wouldn't be alive

Just listen to my muted scream
Let my life tell its delusion
Listen to my soul speaking and you'll know
You'll know what's inside

Before you read this any further, bear in mind that my writing is MY opinion, if you don't agree with me then it's totally fine. I&#...


Before you read this any further, bear in mind that my writing is MY opinion, if you don't agree with me then it's totally fine. I'm not trying to argue with anyone, so please if you disagree with my point of view, write it in your own blog. Do NOT leave a hate comment or start an argument.
Aren't you tired of opening Facebook and all you see is LGBT news/articles every time you scroll. I am. I guess the reason why is because all I see is negativity towards the LGBT community.
"How to prevent your kids from getting LGBT"
"Formula milk causes LGBT"
"Protect your kids from LGBT"

Most of the time LGBT is considered a horrible thing, sometimes even a disease. People who are attracted to the same-sex are discriminated. A homosexual person is considered as an awful person whose existence is a disturbance to others and should be "healed" or even banished. Indonesia is not a Muslim country. However, it is the biggest Muslim population in a country. In Islam homosexuality is against God's will and whoever against it will be sent to hell (uh-huh). When it comes to religion it's a never-ending argument. If you think homosexuality is a sin, you better think about your own sins. Your relationship with God should only be between you and God.

"Don't judge others just because they sin differently than you." 

I personally don't think homosexuality is a sin. I don't see the world in sins. I see the good and the bad. A straight man who rapes an innocent child is bad. A homosexual man who helps other people have a better life is good. It's about the act. You can't judge people based on their sexual orientation. But then again, you can never tell people what to do. You can't tell a homosexual person to be straight just like you can't tell a homophobic person to accept the gay community. Forcing your belief to others won't do any good. It's okay to have a penis and be proud of it, but it's not okay to wave it around and shove it to people. Same goes with belief.

My way of thinking is that if a person doesn't bother me in any way, then I'm not going to judge what he/she does or/and hate him/her. I have a friend whom everyone dislikes because most of the time he does whatever he wants and annoy the hell out of people. However, since he's never done anything bad to me (to my other friend, yes) I don't have the right to hate him. I don't see people based on their sexual orientation. I see them based on how they treat me. I don't mind having a gay friend, in fact I do have one and it doesn't bother me one bit. Bear in mind that homosexuality is NOT a disease, it's not contagious (how can it be if it's not even a disease). Stop saying that it's a sickness because it's not.

I guess this writing is about me not understanding why the LGBT community receive so much hate. It's against religion, it's against social norms, but so is discriminating people. I would love to continue rambling until this writing is two pages long. Unfortunately, it's already 12 am and I have exams to do. I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Let people be themselves. As long as they do not do harm (as in robbery, murder, rape, terrorism, corruption), let them be. Forcing your belief to someone against it will only cause a never-ending fight.

Thanks for reading my thoughts. Although I have a lot more to say, it is time for me to sleep.



First post in 2016! Yay! Before I start with the review I'm gonna do a background story, so...

Wangsa Jelita Green Tea Lotion, Rose Body Butter and Sandalwood Beauty Oil Review

First post in 2016! Yay!

Before I start with the review I'm gonna do a background story, so here goes. There was this night where I randomly scrolled through my blog post and found a comment from an actual person. I was surprised because I really thought no one reads my blog except me. I was so happy to know that there's actually someone who enjoyed my writing (at least that's what I thought).

It turned out that the co-founder of a local brand called Wangsa Jelita wanted to chat with me. I looked at the date and bam! it was 4 months ago. I emailed her anyway to say thank you and from there I got offered to try Wangsa Jelita's products. Of course I said yes. I've heard of the brand for quite some time now. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to try because most of my body care products (body butter, lotion, etc) are purchased by my mum.

Yes, the products I'm about to review are sent to me. Meaning, I didn't pay a dime for these products. However, the review will be 100% my own thoughts based on my experience using the products. I'm not going to lie or sugar coat anything. I feel the need to point that out because I'm about to write is basically me craving for Wangsa Jelita's products.

Green Tea Lotion


I barely use lotion as I prefer body butter. I picked this one just to have a taste of all Wangsa Jelita's moisturisers. My expectation was low on this green tea lotion. I've always been a fan of green tea and love how they smell. However, whenever I purchase any skin care that says green tea in it, I always get disappointed because the smell turned out nothing like I imagined.

What I love the most about this lotion is that it smells exactly like tea. The scent is light, you could only smell it if you really stick your nose. Once applied, the scent is barely there. Very recommended to those who are sensitive to smell. And to those who prefer sweet strong smell like vanilla, this one might not be enjoyable. It says "apply daily after showers" on the packaging which I never do. I just want my body to be dry right after shower and will get cold and impatient if I have to apply a moisturiser and wait for my body to dry by itself.

No worries, this lotion will be absorbed by your body perfectly even when your skin is dry before applying. This lotion takes less than a minute to be absorbed. It is moisturising and will not feel greasy. The lotion is very lightweight, it's as if I didn't put anything on. Since I'm used to body butter and body oil, I feel like I'm not moisturised enough even though I am. The best time to use it would be on day time because for some people going to uni or work feeling greasy can be bothering.

The packaging itself is pretty simple with a flip flop cap which I appreciate very much. Makes it travel-friendly, no need to worry about spilling it. The price isn't so bad especially since it's made out of natural ingredients. Most of the local brand I know sell their lotions double the price for the same or less amount of product.

Rose Body Butter


I am truly amazed by this. First of all, the scent is exactly what I was hoping for. A subtle smell that won't pierce through my nose. I can't stand that strong floral smell that some body lotion/butter have. My mum was beside me when I first smelled it and she loves it. Again, it's supposed to be applied right after shower but I just apply it when my skin is dry. The texture itself is a dream. Just look at how smooth it is.

What impressed me the most is how this product doesn't make me feel greasy at all. It feels super light weight, as if I don't have body butter on my body. The body butter I usually use would feel super greasy and heavy (not that I mind). But this one, I'm genuinely impressed. It feels more like a lotion to me with extra moisture.

Once I ordered body butter online and it leaked, making the packaging sticky. This product didn't leak during shipping which means it's pretty safe to be in your bag. If you don't like feeling greasy but still need that extra moisture, go for this. Again, I am truly fascinated on how light weight a body butter can feel. Would definitely purchase the green tea body butter after this runs out.

Sandalwood Beauty Oil

Seriously, how does Wangsa Jelita make their products feel so lightweight? I applied it and since it's a body oil it felt greasy at first. The greasy feeling will be gone in 5-10 minutes. It doesn't feel heavy on the skin at all. But then again, if you put the oil too much of course it will feel greasy. Even the body butter I usually use feels thicker on the skin than this! This body oil is the most moisturising out of all the products above.

Not only it is moisturising, you can also use it for other things such as massage oil or removing waterproof make-up. Haven't tried it myself though. I notice the oil is more watery than the other body oil I own. The packaging is a see-through with a spray cap. Very travel friendly, it won't leak with that kind of cap.

Sandalwood attracts me the second most after almond. If I did choose the almond beauty oil, I won't have the other two products to review. The smell is pretty strong, which I normally don't like. I like this one though. It probably because even though the scent is strong, it comes naturally from essential oil and not fragrance. It's hard for me to describe a smell, it has that woodsy and relaxing aroma.

Overall, I love Wangsa Jelita's products. Since their body lotion/butter/scrub only consist of 2 variants (green tea and rose), I would love for them to make another scent. Would definitely purchase the beauty oil - olio (contains all 5 of the beauty oils in mini size) once my sandalwood beauty oil runs out. If you use bar soap, check out their bar soaps. They have a wide variety of it. I really wish Wangsa Jelita would make a liquid soap in the future.

Find them here
Thanks for reading!


High school is the time when I really need to find myself. Just like everyone else, I had to make the decision of what I want to do for the ...

My Name is Alliyya and I Don't Know What To Do

High school is the time when I really need to find myself. Just like everyone else, I had to make the decision of what I want to do for the rest of my life. Finding a major can be bothersome. Since I was in grade 11, I knew I'm going to take biology. My fascination of the ocean (the deep sea specifically) and wild animals made me sure that's what I want. I didn't know what career I could possibly have with biology back then. Therefore, I decided to try for medical school instead because I thought it has better opportunities. However, since my passion never lies in medical world, I ended up taking biology.

I've made my plans clear. I'm going to study here in Jakarta for bachelor's degree, then continue to marine biology graduate school abroad. It has been my plan since grade 11 and I sticked to it until recently. I found myself in a situation where I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I no longer knows where my passion lies in, nor am I excited with the thought of what used to be my dreams.

Oh, life. It's now 11 pm and I'm writing from my phone while lying in bed thinking what could possibly happen tomorrow or the day after. How about next month? Next year? The future is a mystery. Full of questions and uncertainty. I used to be scared. Not knowing what's in store for me. Although looking back, scared is an understatement. I was terrified. Anxious. More than half of my problems are caused by my fear of the unpredictable. I became depressed (also caused by other factors), I didn't want to face the future.

To think about it once in a while is fine. However, to be consumed by it is the total opposite of fine. I wasn't able to enjoy every present day of my life. I remember thinking I don't want to face tomorrow because I'm frightened by it. I wish I could just disappear so I wouldn't have to face it. That's the kind of perspective that makes you lose today and won't get you anywhere. You are living in the present, make the best of it. I found a great quote which perfectly describes how it should have been.

"One must simply take the days of their lives as they happen. If you spend time worrying over what is to come, which may or may not happen, then you will only be wasting precious days you will wish in the future you could have cherished a bit longer."

My point of view didn't change overnight. It happened gradually as I became tired of seeing life in a negative way. I had so much negativity, it felt as if I was attached to a horse carriage while wearing a metal suit. I realised that the future became out of reach, the present day felt like a punishment, and yesterday was a day wasted. I have not even reached my twenties. Too young to be living such life, one that's filled with habitual skepticism. 

Stop worrying. I worried too much that instead of solving my problems, I got preoccupied with the thought of worst case scenarios and doubts. I stopped worrying. I stopped worrying about the future because it hasn't happened yet. I stopped worrying about the past because there's nothing I can do to change it. I stopped worrying about what others think of me because it is out of my control. I stopped worrying about my body shape and grades. If I'm not happy with it, I should have put more efforts. 

Stop overthinking. I've seen pictures that says overthinking kills your happiness, and I can confirm it based on my personal experience. Stop analysing every situation. Stop dwelling in sadness. Stop creating problems that weren't even there to begin with. Stop burdening yourself with thoughts that are making everything worse than it already has. When things got out of control take a deep breath and go for a walk. When I got overwhelmed I would just listen to music and cry myself out, then I stopped and find a distraction.

I keep reminding myself that I'm not in control of life. Everything can change. I no longer worry about what I want to do with my life. There are endless possibilities, it's not just left or right. I am 19 and I still need to walk a long way to reach my destination. At times like this I may not know which station I am supposed to be, but now I know better not to be stuck in the same place and sulk. 

I'll experience something I haven't done before, learn a new language, and improve my social skills. I'll sing and dance, fall in love, and get my heart broken. I'll meet new people, some I'll cherish and some I'd want to put in a cargo ship to Congo. I'll fail exams and skip a class or two. Not knowing what's in the future is a scary place to be. But then again...

I don't need to have everything figured out. 

"No one knows what your life has got in store. You may go walking on the moon. You may be rich or poor. But I know for certain if you try to reach the stars anything is possible. Your dreams are what you are."



Apparently it's been a month (or more) since the last time I wrote something here. I've been meaning to write since forever. Neverth...

Perhaps, it's a new beginning?

Apparently it's been a month (or more) since the last time I wrote something here. I've been meaning to write since forever. Nevertheless, I've been busy with lab reports and quizzes (the standard excuses), I haven't got the chance to write. I'm going to take back my statement which involves me writing once every week at least. From now on I'm going to write whenever I want to, no dead line.

I want to take this blog into a new direction. I've been writing here since I was in grade 8, and mostly it's me babbling. However, from now on I want to make posts that are worthy to be read. I'm not doing this for anyone because I'm not even sure if there's another human being other than me reading this blog, I'm doing this for the sake of my personal development. I'll be posting better stories, better pictures, better reviews, and most importantly I'll be writing something that matters to me.

Since this is a start, I'm going to tell you a bit of information regarding myself.

My name is Alliyya but you can call me Al - my initials. Born and raised in Jakarta, Indonesia in 1996. The youngest of four. A biology student and currently in my third year. What inspired me to be a biologist is my fascination of the deep sea. A passionate writer and bathroom singer. My writings consist of my life story, poems or song writings, and fictional stories.

I lied about me being a bathroom singer. As a shy person I could never sing in front of my family, I'd rather sing in front of a thousand strangers. I do love to sing (when none of my family members are around) and have sung in public. Taught myself to play the piano. My techniques may be of poor quality, but hey I can play a song or two. Enjoy listening to any kind of music I find soothing. Some people may find me quiet, others find me entertaining. I'm a bilingual, interested to learn Spanish. Enjoy being both alone and surrounded by friends.

I hope with my writings in the future you can know me better and I can inspire or entertain you in some ways.



4 months ago (yes, it's been that long) I won two giveaways from The Soap Corner (TSC). If you d...

The Soap Corner Review

4 months ago (yes, it's been that long) I won two giveaways from The Soap Corner (TSC). If you don't know TSC - it's an Indonesian brand specialised in natural & homemade body products such as bar soap, liquid soap, body oil, lip scrub, and many more. The first giveaway: to guess the new product TSC was about to launch and I got it right. I won a body oil. The second giveaway: name the new product, TSC picked a word I suggested. I won another body oil plus a travel set soap.

I thought I can only pick one gift (either from the first or the second giveaway), but no TSC was really nice and let me have both. The reason why I postponed this review for months besides procrastination is because since the products are in travel size, I was waiting for me to travel. I'm trying not to splurge them by using them when I'm at home. If I did that, they would be finished in less than a month.

Dazzling Me Up - Body Oil

One of the thing that makes TSC special is that you can choose your own scent. And believe me, they have a LOT to choose from. Since I've never used any of their products before, I didn't know what scent to get. I told them to just get me the best seller ones (I chose floral because I'm not a big fan of sweet scent). I got the scent 'Jasmine' and 'Butterfly Kisses'. I don't know what butterfly kisses smell like, well, it's floral but I'm not sure of what.

Moisturising wise, it is very moisturising. I used it at night, and in the morning my skin doesn't feel dry. And you don't need a lot of product to cover your whole body. The only problem I have would be since it's body oil, it takes more time to absorb than body lotion/butter. Make sure it absorbed to your skin completely before going to bed. I once used the body oil and went to sleep straight away, not giving it time to absorb to my skin. The next morning I found stains from the oil on my bed sheet.

Head to Toe - Best Friend Soap

If you're the kind of person who needs to smell good after you shower, you wouldn't like this one. It kind of smells weird since it's made from natural ingredients without fragrance added. I personally don't like the scent. However, once it's rinsed it wouldn't leave a smell on your body.

Just like its name, this soap can be used from head to toe. Meaning it can be used to clean your hair, your face, any part of your body. That's what I love about this soap. The colour of the shower gel itself is unappealing.

Your Signature - Luxury Body Liquid Soap

I love this one the most. I think the reason why its named 'Your Signature' is because you can choose your own scent. You can use essential oil or fragrance oil (not sure if it's fragrance oil or fragrance something...). I got the scent butterfly kisses.

Castile - Liquid Soap

This soap contains more than 70% olive oil. If you have dry skin, I recommend this. I'm not sure whether you can choose your own scent or not. I used it when I was in a cold area and after I went diving. It makes my skin less dry. And if you compare it to other soaps you can actually feel how moisturising this soap is.

Castile smells weird as it is made mostly out of olive oil. It's like putting olive oil on your body. Personally, I don't mind it. Again if you are the kind of person who needs to smell good, you wouldn't like this product unscented. Maybe, you can get it scented.

Brush - Best Friend Soap

I've been searching a soap to clean my brush, and I almost bought it. Luckily I got this for free. I love the scent. You can smell a hint of citrus. Rather than pour the soap in a bowl of water and put the brushes in, I prefer to put a small amount of soap on my hand, and clean my brush in circular motion one by one. I find it more effective and cleaner. If you're interested to see the result, I posted a picture on my Instagram the before and after photo. It is quite pricey.

Additional note on Head to Toe, Your Signature, and Castile:
- Since the soap is natural, it won't create a lot of bubbles and it will be very easy to rinse
- Come by at TSC booth, because they have a wide variety of scents to choose from

Thanks for reading, hope this post is helpful in some ways

I know I always make lists about random things to say. This time I would make another list, because I love lists. The only aspect different ...

What About Me?

I know I always make lists about random things to say. This time I would make another list, because I love lists. The only aspect different is that I would answer some questions regarding myself, make up, skin care, and more. These questions I'm about to answer are not mine, I googled it. And this may not be related, but two days ago was my birthday yay! I am now 19. Last year of having the word 'teen'.


Were you named after anyone?
I don't think so

Do you like your name?
To be honest no, just because my name is quite religious

When is your birthday?
16th of August 1996

What are 3 of your favourite colours?
I don't think I have a favourite in anything, including colours. The colour I like better than others is pink. However, it's not my favourite.

What are your favourite tv shows?
Chuck, Modern Family, Hawaii Five-O, Devious Maids (I like miself some telenopela)

If you have the choice to pick your own name, what will it be?
I like some names like Emma, Elle, Ella, and Jade. But, I don't think those names suit me.

Do you wear makeup?
Yes whenever I'm up to. Although mostly no. I barely use makeup to campus just because I don't think I can wake up early so I can get my makeup done.

If you could write a book, what would the title be and what would it be about?
I don't know what to name my book. I think when the book's finished, I would still have a hard time giving it a title. I would love to write a book on my experience with depression and fictional story because I loveee writing stories. I think for my next blog post I would show you my writing as a kid.

What is your favourite food?
A medium-cooked steak

Do you have any siblings?
3 brothers and 2 sister in laws

Do you have any pets?
A cat and a parrot

What is your dream job?
A marine biologist or a story writer. Perhaps I could do both?

Do you want to get married later in life, if so how many children do you want?
Yes. I only want to have 1 child.

What is the least favourite thing about yourself?
I would like to say that I don't have have the least favourite thing about myself, because I love every part of me equally, but no. I hate my calves and thighs. They're huge and out of proportion.


What's your skin type?

How many times do you wash your face daily?
At least 2. More when I'm at home, whenever my face feels oily I would wash my face only with water.

What is your current facial wash?
The Soap Corner's charcoal & tea tree facial soap bar

What moisturiser do you use?
The Bath Box I'll Be Perfect facial oil

Do you have acne prone skin?

Toner, yay or nay?
I've never used toner before

Favourite lip balm?
Evete's lip balm in lemon ginger


Do you remember your first make up item?
A face powder

What cosmetic brands have you always wanted to try but still haven't?
Girlactik, Kat Von D, Stila

Favourite drugstore brand?
NYX, Milani

Do you wear fake eyelashes?
Only on a special occasion like weddings. However, I never put it on by myself.

Is there any kind of makeup you can't leave the house without?
No, I leave the house without makeup more than with makeup

How often do you shop for makeup?
Very often. Like once every two weeks?

What type of product do you buy the most?
Easy, lipsticks

Do you use makeup primer for the eyes and face?
Yes. Eyes - Milani Eyeshadow Primer. Face - Rimmel Stay Matte Primer

Pencil or liquid eyeliner?
Pencil for everyday use, liquid for more dramatic effect

What is your favourite lipstick?
I don't think I have any

Do you think you look good without any makeup on?
When I feel good I look good, when I don't then I don't look good with or without makeup

I'm going to skip the introduction and go straight to the comparison. Packaging Both come in...

Dose of Colors - Berry Me vs LA Girl Matte - Rebel

I'm going to skip the introduction and go straight to the comparison.


Both come in tubes with doe foot applicator.

LA Girl: The packaging is a lot bigger than the NYX SMLC. At first glance you might think LA Girl contains a lot more of lip products than the NYX one because of the packaging. However, don't let the size fool you. NYX SMLC contains more product. The applicator is straight. It can be hard applying because it's as straight as it can be.

Dose of Colors: I love the packaging. It's like a transparent glass so you could see the colour inside, and topped with a white cap. It's really simple and elegant. I simply love it. The applicator is perfect for applying, and I love how it's so soft.

Winner: Dose of Colors

What's inside

LA Girl: it smells like paint and it's awful. It's very liquidy and dries to a matte finish faster than Berry Me. The formula itself is light, and it's not patchy or flaky.

Dose of Colors: it smells like NYX SMLC, and if you don't know what NYX SMLC smells like, it smells vanilla-y. Yes I'm superb when it comes to describing something. The formula is creamier than Rebel, it's patchy nor flaky, however it dries longer than LA Girl.

I couldn't decide which one's the winner.

After they dry completely, I tested them by drinking and eating. When drinking, both transferred a little bit on the glass. After a while, I ate an oily dish and they both survived. Although the LA Girl one lasted more. 

When swatching on my hand, they look the same as if they're identical twins. However, when I put them on my lips side by side, the Dose of Colors in Berry Me is lighter in colour than the LA Girl Rebel. 


An important aspect to those short on money. The US price for the LA Girl is $5 and Dose of Colors $18. There's a $13 gap there.
Since I can only buy them both in online shops, the prices vary.

LA Girl: I bought mine for IDR 60k. The price range is from IDR 60k to IDR 115k (yes I saw some online shops sell LA Girl Matte for more than a hundred thousand rupiah.) My advice is don't buy them if they cost more than IDR 75k. Find another online shops. There are plenty.

Dose of Colours: I bought mine for IDR 235k. Although I've seen other online shops sell it for IDR 285k. If I intend to purchase other colours, I wouldn't buy any that costs more than IDR 235k. 

Winner of this round: LA Girl Matte

Comparison side by side

Closer look

If you have extra money to spend, I suggest you get the Dose of Colors because it's lighter both in colour and how it feels on your lips. It feels as if you don't wear anything, the smell won't make you feel dizzy (in case you're sensitive of smell), and the texture is just amor.

If you're on a budget or don't want to splurge, then I suggest you get the LA Girl one. It lasts longer, the colour is similar, and it's a lot cheaper. You can buy three LA Girl with the same money you use to buy the Dose of Colors.

These are only my suggestion and my thoughts. Feel welcome to leave a comment on how you think. 

Thanks for reading!

NYX SOFT MATTE LIP CREAM is one of the most (if not most) wanted liquid lipstick in Indonesia. ...

NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream Ibiza & Addis Ababa

NYX SOFT MATTE LIP CREAM is one of the most (if not most) wanted liquid lipstick in Indonesia. Every lipstick lover must've had at least one. It's highly requested in Indonesian online shops. I had these a few months ago. I was just starting to love lip products. However, it was before I decided to start writing again.

This line contains more than 20 colours from nude to vampy. If you're into nudes and subtle pinks, you're going to have a hard time picking because those colours are dominating. The names of the SMLC are based on cities around the world.

"Addis Ababa", a bright fuchsia and "Ibiza", a deep rose pink are the only ones I have currently. Those two attracts me the most. The best selling SMLC here in Indonesia would be "Antwerp", which I'm nowhere near interested. At first I thought I would like Addis Ababa more, but I was wrong. I love Ibiza. LOVE.

The packaging is the standard tube, the colour of the tube itself resembles the colour of the lip cream, then topped with a matte black cap with doe foot applicator. Before you apply something matte, make sure to exfoliate and moisturise your lips first.

Moving on to the lip cream itself... I love the the texture. It's creamy and it's not drying and still leaves you with a matte finish. It's not as liquid-y as other liquid lipsticks. The bad side of this is that these lip creams won't stand a meal. If you go somewhere with meals involved, make sure you bring your SMLC because these babies won't last and they don't leave stains. The good thing is that you can touch up. Unlike other liquid lipsticks that go flaky and patchy when reapplied, these SMLC won't do that to you.

Talking about these two that I have, the pigmentation is different. I was quite disappointed with Addis Ababa because it's not as bright and pigmented as I thought it would be. On the other hand, I'm in LOVE with Ibiza. It's super pigmented, and the colour is just amazing.

I tried to do a proper lip swatches (unlike the Sleek Matte Me lip swatches on my blog). But the lights are not in my favour. The sun was so bright, my phone can't capture the true colour on my lips because of the lightning. I had to lower the brightness on these photos. Once I moved to a darker place, it's too dark. I'm still getting the hang of it. Hopefully one day I can do amazing lipstick swatches on my lips.

These lip creams are very affordable. About IDR 120k if you buy it from NYX counter. IDR 88-120k on online shops. I bought mine for IDR 88k, and I wouldn't buy these for more than IDR 90k now. Make sure to browse through several online shops to get the best price. And don't forget to make sure it's a trusted online shop.

Would I repurchase this NYX SMLC? Absolutely yes. I would love to purchase the nudes for everyday use. I've got my eyes on Zurich and Cannes already. Hopefully I can do lip swatches on those.

Thanks for reading


As someone who just started to get crazy about lipsticks, I tried to find as many affordable lip...

Sleek Matte Me Review + Lip Swatches

As someone who just started to get crazy about lipsticks, I tried to find as many affordable lipsticks I could find in any shapes and sizes, so yes, that includes liquid lipsticks. A few months ago, I stumbled upon these Sleek Matte Me - ultra smooth matte lip cream when I browsed through my Instagram.

Sleek Matte Me only consists of 6 colours (Petal, Birthday Suit, Fandango Purple, Brink Pink, Party Pink, and Rioja Red). You can easily get the full shades if you're into collecting lipsticks. Out of the 6 shades, only 2 of them are nude. The other 4 are bright and bold looking colour. And from the 2 nudes, one that is called 'Petal' is not suitable for most women in my country. This shade Petal will make me look like a soft version of Nicki Minaj.

The shade I first got is Fandango Purple, and it's a bright fuchsia purple. I fell in love as soon as I saw it on google. I need to have this flamingo. The next shades I got are Rioja Red and Birthday Suit. I've been eyeing Rioja Red for a while now, however I just got it recently along with Birthday Suit. I'm not into nudes, but then I got curious why A LOT of people are a fan of this particular shade.

The reason why I didn't get the other 3 - Petal wouldn't work on me, Party pink is really...a corally red although I would love to try it. I would love to get brink pink, I just haven't.

L-R: Rioja Red, Fandango Purple, Birthday Suit

Unlike most liquid lipsticks, Sleek Matte Me comes in rectangular shape instead of a tube, along with a doe foot applicator. The bottle is clear so you can see the actual colour. The rectangular shape prevents the lipstick to slide here and there. The shade's name is at the bottom. Peel the sides to see the ingredients.

When I read the review on other's blog, I heard they heard that Sleek Matte Me is a dupe for Lime Crime Velvetines. I do not know about this. I do have lime crime, however I haven't thought about making comparison. Just like any other liquid lipsticks, the formula is drying. Make sure you exfoliate your lips and use lip balm. It's not that drying, and not as thick as other liquid lipsticks that I've tried. However, it's there. You can feel that it's there making your lips dry.

There was this one time when I use a thick lip balm, and the lipstick became creamy. Sleek Creamy Me. Even though it's matte, the lipstick transferred through the glass (or straw) when I drink. And doesn't stay on my lips when I eat. The bad thing about liquid lipsticks is that they don't survive foods and drinks (mostly, anyway). However, you can't put more on your lips because they will crack or worse..flaking. 

Below, you could see my awkward lip swatches.

Birthday Suit

Rioja Red

Fandango Purple

My thoughts on these:

Birthday Suit - I don't get the hypes over this one. I don't think the colour is for me. It's lighter than my skin colour. And when I look at it, it's as if I'm not wearing any lipstick. I saw pictures of Birthday Suit on other people and it suit them really well. So maybe this colour is for you. 

Rioja Red - gorgeous red. Make sure to use lip liner, they will bleed.

Fandango Purple - my favourite of them all. It's a really fun colour and I love it.

I would love to try other shades as well. 

So, are these Sleek Matte Me liquid lipsticks worth the money? If you're a fan of liquid lipsticks then go for it. I would totally repurchase it. Rioja Red and Fandago Purple are stunning. They drying, but not too drying which is a good thing.
In Indonesia you could only find it online, and it costs IDR 120-150k. Browse through a lot of online shops to get the cheapest price. Make sure it's trusted.

Thank you for reading my blog, appreciate it so much. See you on the next posts.

Who doesn't love natural homemade products? I personally think fruit variants in lip balms are...

The Battle of Coconut Lip Balms

Who doesn't love natural homemade products?

I personally think fruit variants in lip balms are quite boring. Mainly because most brand have their own mango, lemon, and strawberry kinds of lip balms. My perspective changed when I saw the word "coconut" in the packaging. It's interesting. Coconut doesn't even smell, so I got curious how a coconut in a lip balm could possibly smell like. Do coconuts even smell?

This week's review is about coconut lip balms from two different brands. Both are specialised in natural skin care products. The only different is one is a local brand, the other one is from the USA.

1. Evete Naturals Lip Balm in Tropican Coconut

On Valentine's day I purchased a set of lip balm from Evete. However, I'm not going to mention it as this post is about coconut. Evete is an online shop based in Indonesia. I've been wanting try one of their lip balms for so long and finally I can get my hands on them. 

Packaging wise, I like the design of the lip balm. It's simple and cute. My problem with the packaging is that 3 out of 6 (which is half!) lip balms I purchased have troubles with the twister thing at the bottom of the lip balm. I'm bad with words, I know. I twisted the lip balm to see how much lip balm it contains, and when I tried to twist it back, the lip balm won't come down! I can twist it and has no problem whatsoever, the problem is the lip balm doesn't follow. I had to push it down with my finger. 


The lip balm itself is clear, both in colour and when you apply it. The scent itself is too sweet for me. Nonetheless, I quite like it.

This product is very moisturising. If you have dry, chapped lips then this is for you. With just one swipe it's super moisturising. At night, use about 3-4 swipes, and in your lips won't feel dry in the morning. The downside to it is that it feels heavy. Even in the morning after hours in the air-conditioned room I could still feel the lip balm on my lips quite thick.

Price: IDR 40k / 5g

2. Burt's Bees Coconut and Pear

I've been wanting to try Burt's Bees lip balm since forever. It's really hard (maybe impossible) to find Burt's Bees products in Indonesia offline. And the ones sold online are mostly over priced. And so I was excited when my friend came here from the USA and brought me these Burt's Bees lip balms. I got very interested in this particular lip balm. Coconut and pear.

Talking about the packaging, it's that classic Burt's Bees yellow tube with a white cap. I don't have any problems with the packaging. I also have three tinted balms from Burt's Bees and I can twist until all the product comes out and it would go back in just fine.

The lip balm itself is clear, if you want a slight colour you can try their tinted balms. The scent resembles that play doh smell. Maybe there's something wrong with my sense of smell. I'm confused about the smell. The good thing about the smell is that it's not too sweet.

How moisturising is it? Well, it's moisturising. However, compared to the Evete's one, it's less moisturising. The good thing about it is that it doesn't feel heavy. I love to use it just before I apply liquid lipstick.

I got it in a set of 4 for almost USD 10
If I'm not mistaken one is for almost USD 5 / 4.25g
In Indonesia you can buy it from online shops or Instagram for about IDR 65k-100k I think.

To be honest I couldn't decide which one is better. If you want a lip balm that is very moisturising and don't mind the heavy feeling, then Evete is better. If you don't like that thick feeling on your lips and want a lip balm that feels like there's nothing on your lips yet still moisturising, then Burt's Bees is a better option. 

Another consideration is that Evete's lip balm is cheaper and have more product than Burt's Bees. However, there's a 50:50 chance your tube is troubled (or maybe it's me who's unlucky). Both comes in handy, easy to carry. 

Thanks for reading!


"I don't like Cheetos" pfft said no one ever. This is the first time I've ever tr...

Cheetos mix ups and lipstick that makes me hate liquid lipsticks.

"I don't like Cheetos" pfft said no one ever.
This is the first time I've ever tried this variant. I love Cheetos in all shapes and sizes. It started back when I was in grade 8. My dad used to work in the Philippines & I would go there on holidays, and that was when I tasted magic for the first time. It was love at first sight. I could eat Cheetos crunchy by myself in half an hour or sometimes I would eat it slowly, enjoying our moment together. I'm obsessed, I know.
Indonesian Cheetos kind of sucks. I still eat it sometimes, it's just not the same quality. Indonesian Cheetos is too airy for my liking, good thing is it has other flavours other than cheese. However, the quality is far below the American Cheetos. I'm racist towards Cheetos.

Cheetos mix ups contains 4 flavours:
Cheddar - it's basically Cheetos crunchy
Double cheddar - it's basically Cheetos puffs with a little bit more cheese
Nacho cheese - this would be my favourite. I'm not sure if it tastes like nacho cheese, however it tastes really good. Has a hint of hot in it.
Parmesan - tastes like that cheese you sprinkle on top of your pasta

Overall, I love this Cheetos! It got 4 different tastes and shapes and this Cheetos might be my new love.
Here's what it looks like one by one

I really wish Indonesian Cheetos were as good as the American ones.

And about that lipstick...

Yesterday I went out with my sister in law and I put this gorgeous orange liquid lipstick, which is the MUA luxe velvet lip lacquer in Atomic. It's hard to find an orange lipstick that actually looks orange on my lips. And this one right here makes my lips stunning with its bright orange colour. I'm not going to explain this lipstick further, I think I'm gonna do a blog post about liquid lipsticks, ones that I own. So, I'll describe more about this lipstick later on.

At first it applied beautifully. The problem started after I ate. Or maybe it was before, but then I didn't look at my lips until after I eat. Whenever I drank something, the lipstick didn't transfer to the glass, which is good. I thought this lipstick stayed the same as I first applied it. Boy, was I wrong.

This lipstick looked super flaky. And it dried my lips so bad you could see the lines on my lips and it.was.gross. You could see tiny tiny dots as if the lipstick tried to escape. It became uneven and ugly. I made the mistake of reapplying it and it was the biggest mistake ever. It made matters worse. I tried to hide my lip then I decided to take it off.

This experience kind of making me want to stay away from liquid lipsticks. They are beautiful when you first applied it, but then it makes your lips dry and crack. And by the way, before I used this MUA in Atomic, I exfoliate my lips first with a fine natural lip scrub and keep it moist with lip balm. But still, it disappointed me. I know maybe it's just this particular lipstick, I mean I used NYX soft matte lip cream and reapply it, and it turned out just fine.

But eh. I think I'll stick to the old fashioned lipstick. And sorry for the bad pictures, I was not in the mood to take any good ones.

 Thanks for reading, have a good day <3 p="">

The last time I ever considered someone my best friend was when I was in primary school. There was this class bully, and my friend and I got...

"Best" Friends

The last time I ever considered someone my best friend was when I was in primary school. There was this class bully, and my friend and I got sick of her. The girls in my class were divided into two groups, and the class bully was in none of the group. This one time, a friend of mine borrowed a pencil, she gave it back by putting it on top of my bag and I said "gimana sih" and the class bully thought I said "brengsek" to my friend who borrowed my pencil. Not only was she mean, she also had a hearing problem. Anyway, I had a best friend ever since I was in the third grade up until I graduated primary school.

What is a best friend? For me a best friend is someone you can talk to about anything. A best friend is the first person you call when you're making plans, when you like this guy, or anything really. It's someone who gives you advice, and the person who hugs you and cheer you up when you're in the lowest point of life, instead of saying "I told you so". And this cheesy paragraph sounds like something written by a sixth grader.

I am not an open person. I joke around my friends, and if it is not important I would tell them things. However, I never really share something big, something life changing to anyone. Heck, I don't even tell them about myself, my past, things that I've done. Basically, my friends only know the outer shell and I like it that way.

I'm not good in maintaining friendship. I had a few close friends, and those friends come and go. So, in school A I had a few close friends, then I moved to school B, I barely keep in contact with my close friends, let alone other friends. In school B, I'd have another close friend(s), and same thing happened when I go to school C. At first I tried to keep in contact with some of my friends. Until one day I felt like I was trying too hard. They wouldn't contact me if I didn't. So I stopped caring.

This post is short and rada ngga jelas I know. I just wanted to write something.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I'll post something more interesting and worth reading next week. Or probably this week.



I KNOW I'm supposed to write a blog post last week, however it's exam week and "exams" is a legitimate excuse to why I ha...

E-shopping aka Online Shopping

I'm supposed to write a blog post last week, however it's exam week and "exams" is a legitimate excuse to why I haven't updated this blog in 2 weeks. I just broke my blog resolution
Without further ado, let me discuss today's topic.

Online Shopping *dun dun duuunn (insert dramatic music)

I bet all of my readers have done online shopping, because the readers are me, and I have done online shopping. Sob.

Anyway, since last year I do most of my shopping online. At least 4 package are sent to my home every month. People who reside in my house must've think I'm a shop-a-holic. There are reasons, oompa loompas. Reason why I choose to shop online more than offline.


- Cheaper: most of the products online are cheaper than the ones offline. We're talking about the same products here. Por ejemplo, I've had my eye on NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream ever since I bought their butter lipstick offline. It costs IDR 120k in the department store. So, I did my research and found that most of online sellers sell it cheaper, some even sell it less than 100k.
Do you know how annoying it is when you're at the mall and see a pretty skirt and when you see the price tag you're like "k, bye.". By shopping online, it's more manageable. Go to your favourite website, filter it so you can see it by the lowest price. Once you scroll and see the price is above your budget, stop scrolling as it gets more expensive.

- Simpler: by shopping online you can save your energy by not walking through the entire mall searching for that one special thing. All you need is click click click and it will be delivered to your front door.

- Get you products that are not available in Indonesia: most of my lipsticks aren't available in Indonesian stores. Internet got them for me.


- Sometimes you can't control yourself: shopping online can become an addiction because it's cheaper and easier to get. Sometimes you buy things you don't need because you want to, k what the hell am I talking about. Most of the times you buy things you don't actually need because it's on sale or cheaper. Buying things online has its own hypes and if you can't control yourself you end up spending too much money.

- It's not as expected: I don't think I've had experience like this, if I did, it's really rare. However, with online shopping you can't see, touch, nor feel the actual product. What you have in mind might be different from reality and it sucks to be disappointed.

- Fake: as in the products are not original, or the products aren't even there to begin with!

So my advice is make sure the online shop is legitimate before you buy anything. Tips on buying things on Instagram is see their tagged photos. If they don't have any, chances are no one ever buy their products because there are no products! At least see their testimonials, although it might be fake. Never buy from an online shop you're not 100% sure.
You have to control yourself. There are so many things you want with their prices so low, if you don't have the self control, you'll end up buying everything. Think twice before purchasing something. If it's something you desperately want, then go for it. Or you can divide your money wisely. Once your spent all your shopping money, you need to stop, don't ever use money intended for something else.

Here are some of my favourite online shops:


Make up:
- IG: makeuppucino
- / IG: indobeautystores

I wanted to put lazada, but my 2 latest purchases were very unsatisfying (I had to chat the customer service 3 days in a row, imagine I had to explain things over and over again because my they took like 5 freaking days to verified my payment!)

Anyway, thanks for reading this. Hope it's helpful in some ways.

Have a good day!

<3 p="">

Ever since the release of The Bath Box facial oil, I've been laying my eyes on them. A few m...

The Bath Box Facial Oil (Review)

Ever since the release of The Bath Box facial oil, I've been laying my eyes on them. A few months ago I wanted to get them in a bazaar, but then it sold out so I ended up buying their liquid soap (review on that later). And for months I waited because for me the facial oil is quite pricey (190k is pricey for a student like me, but still affordable).

Acne has always been a problem for me, although I never had severe acne. To make matters worse, I go to uni by motorbike (whenever I'm with my boyfriend), or by public transport. Can you imagine your face exposed to Jakarta's pollution. That's when I decided I need at least something to stop my face from getting more pimply.

About this product:

INGREDIENTS: Karanja oil, pumpkin seed oil, rosehip oil, peppermint oil, rosemary oil, tea tree oil, and tocopherol.

My face is very oily. So oily that I have to carry blotting papers everywhere I go. A lot of people think that putting oil on your face makes your skin more oily. However, your skin absorb natural oils quickly, just like body oil. Although, there was a bit of a problem when I first applied it.

Now, the instruction stated that it should be used on damp skin, which means slightly wet. My mistake was after I washed my face, I dried it first then used the oil. My face didn't absorb the oil at all. My face was super shiny, it's as if you pour cooking oil on it. Then I got disappointed. Aww, 190k for this... Like, how can this oil meant for oily face if all it does is just make your face even oilier. I did the right thing by contacting The Bath Box and they explained to me how to use it.

So, yay!

Just after a week, I can already see a difference. My acne doesn't last more than 3 days. It still surprises me how quickly and efficient this product work. A dermatologist would cost me from IDR 500k to 1000K and full of chemicals! And this, costs less than 200k. And the best thing is it is made from natural ingredients. Nothing beats natural ingredients, no?

As for my oily face, this facial oil doesn't make it worse. However, it hasn't make my face better in terms of oily-ness. I put about 2-3 drops, more than that can make my face really oily. But I ain't even mad bruh. Because it's facial oil, it's supposed to be at least a litte bit oily on your face. I feel hopeful, though, that one day this product can control my face oil. Plus this facial oil is really moisturising.

Again, I'm amazing how The Bath Box facial oil can heal my acne in such short period of time. It's really worth it. Even when the product looks really small, it can last for about 2 months (I guess) as you only use it 2-5 drops each usage.

Definitely going to repurchase once it runs out.

The Bath Box is definitely an Indonesian brand that's worth a lot of recognition. Their products are amazing, no jokes. And the best thing is that they made it with love and passion and I'm getting cheesy so I'm just gonna stop.

Thanks for reading!

Love, moi.

PS: I ordered this facial oil from their web: It's really easy and simple.

I just realised something. At 14 years of age, I was a poetic kid. Everything that's happened to me, I rewrite it in poems. Every time I...

Poetic 14 year old me.

I just realised something. At 14 years of age, I was a poetic kid. Everything that's happened to me, I rewrite it in poems. Every time I had a crush on someone, I wrote them poems. Dayum. So here goes my poems. Bear in mind I was 14.

"I don't know since when
I've been falling for you
I don't know why I'm feeling this way
All I do is wondering
Do you feel the same way?

This afternoon I saw your smile
When I did something funny
I keep thinking of it since then
Oh how happy I am
Especially when I know that the smile was for me"

"Sitting all alone in my room
Thinking what the world may bring
Life can bring you unexpected things
What matter is the way you see

I know you like a rainbow
But I'm just a dark sky
You expect sunshine
But I brought you rain"

"Though I only know you for a year
But it seems like I've known you for years
I've learned a lot from you
You taught me how to enjoy life
Just smile no matter what happen
Because life don't always go as you planned
You made us smile everyday
And the smile of yours brightened my day
Smile of hope
Everyday you came to our class with a glass of coffee
And a big smile as if you're saying "come on people! wake up! enjoy today!""

Below you can read how 14 year old me react to certain emotions.

"When I feel:

I would smile, dance hard inside, keep talking to people about whatever it is that makes me happy

I tend to make writings. I don't consider it as poems, or song writing, but it's not like normal writing either. So I don't know what to call it :p

Don't like/pissed off:
I show it to them that I don't like them, or when I feel annoyed at them. You can read it from my face. Not to all people, though. I said show, not tell.

Simple. Eat.

I tend to make writings again. Post some quotes in twitter haha lol

Many bad words walking around in my mind. A little bit of sarcasm tweets. Some swearing going on in twitter, although I try not to swear in twitter because of my lovely followers, but I can't help it sometimes. But please note that I say bad words not only when I'm angry. It could be as a joke, or to describe something or someone in a good way."

I don't think I can write any longer. Enough embarrassment in one post.

It's been like...almost 6 months since the last time I posted something here. A lot has happened since then. I'm in uni already, alm...

Sort of.....

It's been like...almost 6 months since the last time I posted something here. A lot has happened since then. I'm in uni already, almost 2 months now. So far so good. I'm still the kind of person who likes to procrastinate and super lazy (need to get rid of those things immediately). I have friends, yay!

I turned 17 like 3 months ago and got my KTP already. It was really exciting, I got to celebrate it with a lot of people. And the best thing is, Abraham Mateo wished me happy birthday on twitter!! He tweeted me saying "Happy 17th birthday @(my twitter username)........"  And it got more than 200 retweets, so basically, more than 200 people wished me a happy birthday.

I've added a few more pets to my house. I got King Lily (king snake), Sapphire (bearded dragon), Enchi (enchi ball python), Citrus (lemon pastel ball python), and Jess (Indian ringneck parakeet). Jess is the most recent one. My mum got him for me cos I got scammed. I wanted an African grey parrot, lost a lot of money, and stay African grey-less. But I got Jess, and I'm saving up for an African grey. This time for real.

Now I barely sing. So, this is just a writing of random stuff, so I'll just say whatever comes up in mind. It's been more than a year since the last time I performed, and I don't think I will ever get a chance to perform. I still love singing, but now I'm bad at it. Like, really bad. I can't reach the notes like I used to. Like, omg, I suck. Haha.

My English is getting rusty. That's cos I never talk, speak, or read in English. Like gee, who am I gonna speak English to? And all subjects use Indonesian and I'm not allowed to do assignments in English. So there... I no speak English.

Seriously, I don't know what to write. I just wanna post something here cos it's been ages. I guess that's all then.

Till next time I have something to write! Babay!

A lot of things have been going on. I just did the national exams and got the results already last week. Considering what I've been thro...


A lot of things have been going on. I just did the national exams and got the results already last week. Considering what I've been through lately, I think I did a pretty good job. I got a not-bad-at-all scores. And I can't believe my physics score is higher than biology. I never understand physics since grade 7... I've been taught by 5 different physics teachers at school and I finally started to understand it about 2 months before national exams, thanks to my uncle who taught me.

And I just finished my internship lately. I went to SeaW****d Indonesia (sorry, I have to censor that so this writing won't come up on google :P) There were 2 options at first, that and a zoo. But then after handing the cv for quite some time there weren't answers from both sides. And the last option for me was to go to an animal shelter. I wasn't really happy with the idea of me going to an animal shelter because I am allergic to cats (and yes, I do have a cat) and I never really interact with dogs before so it kind of scared me. But I thought it's better than going to a place that has no animals in it.

Then hard times kicked in and I decided that I don't want to do the internship. I really didn't want to do it. Then the next day I was told that I got the internship at SeaW****d. I would have been really excited if I got the news before I decided not to do the internship. It would have been a lot easier if I didn't get accepted anywhere. So it was like, I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to not have a story to tell. I didn't want to be the only one who doesn't have to do the presentation while my friends have something to tell. My first day started on a Monday, and the Friday before that was the hardest. I wanted to go but at the same time I was scared, not scared of the internship, of something else. But in the end, I decided to do it anyway. I thought to myself, even if the internship sucks, I still got to see fishes. Oh, and I got accepted at the zoo as well.

First day of internship finally came. I got to SeaW****d too early. And I got a text personally from the zoo telling that I got accepted and where should I go and stuff. First day was quite horrifying because I don't know where would they put me. I was like "please don't put me in the office, please don't, don't." And I almost got put in the office because it wasn't stated in my resumé where should I go. I was like "you know what, if I work in the office, I won't come again tomorrow." But thankfully, they put me in the education...oh I forgot, education group? education guide? Well, anyway, it was in the educational part. I didn't know what that is, but as long as I didn't stay in the office, whatever that was, good enough.

And so I was under this woman named kak Dewi. She then showed me around, introducing me to places like "this is the office, this is the blablabla" and we went downstairs and she introduced me to the EG team. I remember my first day, I got introduced to kak Nur the supervisor, then kak Albert, then there was kak Dina, kak Alif, kak Robby, and kak Tya in the library. There were quite a lot of people during my first day (and I thought some people weren't that friendly, but I won't tell you who :P) And so kak Dewi left and I was like "what am I supposed to do?" Since it was my first day, all I did was to look around. I remember kak Nur told me to come at 8.30 for the briefing and I was supposed to come home at 5.30. First day was pretty bad. All I did was standing for hours! And kesana kemari from tanks to tanks. I observed the sharks cos I frikkin love sharks.

It was super tiring. I've never had to stand for 3 hours so it was a new experience. And there was this security guard whom I thought was friendly, but then he asked for my facebook account on my first day and I thought that was creepy. I talked to the employees there and asked a few questions. I was pretty much quiet. I was super happy when it came to going home. I just can't wait for that warm shower, and I barely look forward to showering. The traffic was just lovely. If I were a pregnant woman ready to give birth, I would have given birth in the car already. My legs hurt so bad. It was super tiring.

Second day was better. I remember being asked by kak Dewi about the animals in the touchpool. Thankfully, I have remembered the animals already. I don't know what to write, really, anyway, it doesn't matter how bad the job was, I got to see fishes and sea turtles. Oh, at first there were like these 3 big sea turtles but then they got moved and changed by these 5 adorable baby sea turtles. I was taught how to operate the sound, even though really, it was just pressing buttons, but it was better than nothing.

There wasn't really much to remember the next days. Mostly I spent my days in the touchpool area, near the starfish/bamboo sharks area. Telling people to fuck off if they touched the starfish the wrong way. Just kidding, but sometimes I feel like telling them that for not reading the sign before touching. But really, I told people not to pick the starfish above water and all. I got to know more people as well. I met kak Tiara, kak Abai, and kak Yoan (I'm calling everyone with kak here :P), and I got to know some of the cleaners. During the first 3 days, I didn't know if I'm able to continue until the second week. I thought that I'm going to end it at the end of the first week. But then, I forgot whether it was kak Nur or kak Dewi, anyway, one of them told me I got the chance to go to a curatorial training on my second week. And so, I decided I HAVE to make till the next week.

I really don't know how to put this experience into words. There were just so much things going on. So let me just write about the day I went to the curatorial area. I got the chance to go to the food preparation room and see how fishes were being prepared for fishes to eat. That's quite confusing. Fish for fish. Fishes are cannibals. There were kak Juned and kak Agus in the room, preparing food like unfreezing the freezing dead fishes. The dead fishes, they weren't that smelly. The squids, ugh, smelled so bad. I met another intern too, she was in uni, though. There weren't really much to tell in the food prep, it was just food cutting. 

Then I followed kak Agus to the quarantine place. The place is for injured animals, or animals that just got sent in, or animals that are about to be sent away. There were baby sea turtles, smaller than the ones in touchpool, and they were super adorable. I wish I could bring one home. But then I don't know if I can provide them with sea water. I can give them salted water, though. There were also the big sea turtles, arapaimas and all those giant fish, piranhas, basically the same species as the ones displayed. Oh, and there were iguanas and turtles and crocs and caged otters. Those otters shouldn't be caged, really... Otters make cute noises, at first I thought the sound came from birds, even though there were no birds... Basically, I was just following kak Agus around, giving food and clean the cages.

After the quarantine place, we went back to food prep room and there was nothing else for me to do so I showered. The fish smell sticked to my shirt. Showering for me was kind of...troublesome. I need to prepare the clothes and all those showering stuff, and it took me a long time to get ready, not because I showered long, but because I need to fold my clothes and all. I hate showering outside my home. And so I just finished everything from showering to putting my clothes back in, and just when I was about to go out, one of the curatorial staff said to me, 
"have you dived yet?" 
"no, I haven't"
"put this on (he gave me a wetsuit)"
"showered already?"
"it's okay."
And so that was it. I just showered and just when I've got everything ready, I got offered to dive in the main aquarium. I was really thankful he offered me to dive. It was just funny how I just finished showering, then went diving, then showered again. I didn't even know his name then (I later found out his name the very next day after I dived :P), so it was really nice of him. And the first wet suit that I put on was really ripped so I had to change it, and the second time I put a wetsuit on, I got it upside down. 

Oh, I met kak Adhi, he was an observer there. Back in the quarantine place he asked whether I've dived or no, and he said if I go diving he'll accompany me. And so, when I was in the diving place, he was there. They were super duper nice. First I practiced my breathing in the small pool, and I did okay. I thought diving there would be scary because I've never dived before and the fishes were gigantic compared to the ones I've seen during snorkeling. And I was partially blind without glasses and I wasn't allowed to use contact lens. 

And so I entered the actual aquarium with kak Adhi. It was awful! I got no control and when we reached down my ears hurt like crazy. I asked him to go up and he taught me to control the pressure. Still, didn't work, I sucked. But then we continued the dive, he took pictures of me when I realised someone was behind me. I later found out it was kak Soleh (the curator whom I didn't know the name). And halfway I realised that kak Adhi was no longer there, I was now with kak Soleh. My ears still felt crappy but not as hurt. And it wasn't as scary as I thought. My vision was blurry. I dived for about 15 minutes and the good thing was I didn't panic. See, I've learned something from nat-geo wild about not panicking :P

The next days were pretty much the same. Telling people "let me shove you underwater and tell me if you can breathe." when someone pick up the starfish out of water. No, just kidding, even though I really wanted to do that. Watched feeding shows and all. I never get tired of watching shark feeding show. And until now whenever I see the time, I'd be like "oh, it's feeding show for the main aquarium" "oh, the sharks are being fed right now."

And even when people said it's kinda useless for me to be there, I strongly disagree. Being there takes my mind off the thoughts that are killing me. I was happy because it's been a long time since I wasn't bothered with my own thoughts. And one of the most important thing is that I've made new friends. Everyone was amazing. And thanks to social media, I still maintain my friendship with some of them. 

And so, I'd like to thank each one of them (even though they're not going to read this, unless I tell them to :P) Thanks to kak Dewi for saving me from working in the office. Thanks to kak Dina who's with me from the start, taking me lunch with her and all. Thanks to kak Albert for answering my questions when I asked, and I remember my first day kak Alif thought I was his sister. And thank you, thank you, thank you to kak Tya, kak Tiara, kak Robby, kak Yoan, kak Alif, kak Abai, and kak Nur. Basically I'd like to thank them all, the EG group, and all the curators and cleaners for just being there. I'm really grateful I'm surrounded by nice people. 

And this experience may not be interesting for you, well it's an internship, what do you expect? But, it really means a lot to me. It was a great experience and my life would be different if I chose to stay at school doing counseling session and go to the psychologist. It's not that I can befriend the psychologist. Anyway, I'm really grateful this experience made me realise that there are a lot of amazing people out there whom I haven't known yet. I still have a long journey to go, and I don't know what am I talking..........

And so, yeah, that's pretty much it. 

Bye, love, love, from meee